Ebiris

A Love Story: God

2011-10-20T13:58:00.000-07:00

"In your ocean, I'm ankle deep, I feel the waves crashin' on my feet. It's like I know where I need to be, But I can't figure out just how much air I will need to breathe when your tide rushes over me. There's only one way to figure out, Will ya let me drown? Hey now, this is my desire, Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful to touch me, I know that I'm in reach 'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful. And the water is risin' quick, and for years I was scared of it. We can't be sure when it will subside, so I won't leave your side, no I can't leave your side." -Needtobreathe-

I have gotten out of the boat and am walking on the water where my God has called me to be. In complete faith, totally dependent, utterly lost in Him, and I have obeyed. I left my boat near the shore trapped in the Rocks of confusion and grief, and I left it behind as Christ beckoned me onto the water and we walked out to the horizon.
I cannot see the shore,
I cannot remember the feeling of the oars and their weight as I lifted and dipped and lifted again.
I cannot remember the sand or the way I felt trapped between the jagged spokes of stone,
but this wandering in the ocean, like wandering in the desert, it's endless and I know not where I go.

I hear the voice of my God telling me to go every which way and sometimes I find a sandbar to rest on, or a friend to talk with, but mainly I am by myself with only my God and I wonder, will I always be alone, wandering on the ocean's beautiful blue surface forever?
I wanted faith like a mustard seed,
I wanted to be lost in my God so deeply that I would find His glory and wonders,
I wanted to find His blessings,
I wanted to be a blessing to others,
I wanted to "set the world on fire",
I wanted to spread the word,
I wanted to feel joy and peace and growth in my heart.
I wanted...

I remember my God promising to bless me.
I remember asking Him to expand me and my boarders,
I remember the requests and the answers and the trials to get me to where I needed to be.
I remember feeling like I was going to soar over the whole earth.
And I remember feeling this lost in each trial I suffered before this, but this feels bigger somehow. Perhaps He is purging what He needs to from my life and heart, perhaps He is seeing how long I can wander before I take hold of His hand and ask Him to carry me,
maybe,
just maybe,
I am being stubborn...

"My God is not slow in keeping His promises as some understand slowness- He is patient with me."

He is patient with... me.
He knows me,
So then why is my heart so broken and aching? What is He asking me to do?
... whatever it is, it feels impossible and overwhelming. But I can't hear.

I can see the deep blue waters turn clear over my toes and I think for a second about releasing this faith, of slipping beneath the waters, sailing to a far away land or running to a distant sea and relinquishing all of my belief, all of my standards, all of what I've always known... for just a second... I wonder if He would chase after me still...
....then in my heart I hear Him. He is calling to me. Stirring within me in a place I didn't even know was there.
He knows.
"Be Still..."

He knows the ache.
He senses the bitterness forming from the pain.
He breathes His warm love into my frigid heart.
I begin to cry as the hurt of knowing that I had ignored my God and gone down the path He warned me of time and again was the cause of all of this torment within me. The wounds to my heart and the ache within me could have been avoided....The salty tears add to the ocean I am roaming and as my knees begin to tremble and buckle from the ache in my heart over the breaking, shattering, shame and pain, I'm becoming heavy on the surface and the water is rising, the tides are rushing over me, overwhelming me with each crash. He gathers me up in His strong arms and begins to carry me. As He walks my feet swinging, dripping with the salty water, my arms wrapped around His neck as I sob salty tears into His strong shoulders, He comforts my hurt and tells me He can't release me from it and hugs me tighter. It is almost time, He will fulfill His promise to me but I chose to ignore His words before and I begin to cry harder knowing I HAVE to pay attention this time. He lets me ache and cry a while, and then His almost inaudible whisper that is peace in my heart and is at the same time thunder quaking through my bones and somewhere into creation, and IS God...THAT sound that has raptured my heart tells me it is time for me to let go of my ache and hurt.

My sobbing subsides and I listen closely as He tells me what I must do.
I listen closely, I hear it all... every word and I remember...
It is not overwhelming. It seems a big task to simply walk in Faith, to trust completely...

I start out on the ocean surface again... This time rejoicing that I am alone with my God.

"In the morning, when I rise, give me Jesus

When I am alone, give me Jesus

When I come to die, give me Jesus You can have all this world, But give me Jesus"

I am alone with my God. I am blessed.

I continue walking atop the vast stretch of beautiful blue tides
waiting...

A New Year, a New Road

2011-01-10T00:14:00.000-08:00

"We live and we learn to take, One step at a time, There's no need to rush, It's like learning to fly, Or falling in love, It's gonna happen when it's, Supposed to happen and we, Find the reasons why, One step at a time"

-Jordin Sparks-

I think too often we look at the beginning of a journey and never see the full potential of all it holds. I began this year with a lot of insecurity and fear of what was to come. It started with a lot of hardship and difficulty. I think we trip up and think God is asking us to overcome some massive test and we don't see that perhaps He simply wants to see if we'll stand back up.

I stood back up.

I remember thinking, with a friend, "Life is not supposed to be this hard!!!!" and "I signed up for an AWESOME 2010!!!! WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?!?" I was frustrated and exhausted and life was beating me down with that frustration. I also remember praying as I was driving down the freeway one rainy Portland day I had tears pouring down my face, water pouring down my wind shield, and I was SHOUTING at God. I was begging, pleading, asking and screaming for SOMETHING.... anything.... I was tired of not being who I felt I was called to be, the woman I was called to be or the Christian woman I was called to be. I was tired of not being the adult I thought I was supposed to be. I was tired of not having the promises He had made me. I was tired of not having a job. I was tired of not having my friends. I was tired of not having the life I dreamed of. And I was tired of being tired!!!!! As the tears continued pouring down my face, and the water continued pouring down my windshield, screams in my throat and anger in my heart I made a turn in the freeway and there in front of me was the most beautiful rainbow I have ever seen. Brilliant, Vibrant colors and the clarity was unreal. I felt this sudden peace, and this still small voice whispered to my heart, "I promise..." Ok, I thought.... ok. And then and there things turned around. I met some amazing people and made some amazing friends - I was so blessed! God is so good! He has filled my year and left is over flowing with amazing blessings I never could have imagined.

It amazes me that God will bless you if you simply ask and He will do so abundantly!!!! I am SOOOO excited for what He began in 2010 and all that He will bring to completion in 2011 and on into the rest of my life!!! I am a stubborn woman- anyone will confirm that. But I am always content to yield to the lessons of my God. The lessons He taught me this year:

Dance in the rain.
If you fall down - get back up.
Enjoy the journey.
Friends are important... make sure you tell them.
Laughter is abundant- always laugh!!! Even if only at yourself.
Serve each other.
Possession should never apply to people.
Never make anyone a priority if they consider you an option
Broken hearts are harder to fix than skinned knees... though those hurt too...
Enjoy the precious moments shared with Him in the silence
Firsts are exciting and should be thoroughly enjoyed!!!
Share your life
Intentions are worthless- you can have a heart of gold but so does a hard boiled egg
Be excited- someone has to be
Patience is indeed a virtue
You are only as big as the thing that makes you angry
Each dream is specifically matched with a Dreamer- never give up on that gift
You should find that one thing that makes your heart soar
Touching another human heart, and truly touching it is the greatest thing you can do
Love always
Give fervently of yourself
Serve others- even when you're not sure how
Listen to your heart- it will guide you when your mind gives up
You have to put up with a little rain to get the rainbow
Asking advise is not a sign of weakness- but rather strength
Bless someone else each day- it may be your last chance
Don't be a guinea fowl!!!!
Never forget that though you are injured you are not slain, so you may lay down to rest and bleed a while but then you must rise to fight for the battle is forming around you yet again and you must stand with those ready to defend you in it.

I think too often, we stare down this long road stretching for forever seeing all the twists and turns and perhaps only a fraction of the journey and we fear even beginning because we have already tripped and fallen, we don't see that God has a different form of transportation waiting provided we simply get back up.

This year has shed light on a woman I didn't know I had within me and changed my perspective on many things including who I want to be and who I can change myself into. An Ezer, a woman of strength- not a strong woman. I want to continue being a woman after God's own heart and continue cultivating that relationship I have with Him. I have watched with wide eyes as God has taken something completely messy and turned it into an amazing and wonderful new thing full of promise and beauty.

In early December I dared to pray a prayer that surely will test me and bring out in me the most that I can ever hope to be and bring out the true strengths in my life. The prayer of Jabez (slightly altered):

"Oh God, I pray you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, Open wide my horizons to share your name! Let your hand be with me, Keep Satan far from my door and keep me from harm that I may be free from pain".

God has promised me many things, one thing imparticular that aches deep in the depths of my heart and calls to me night and day reminding me that it is unfulfilled. And as this new year unfolds, I know that God will make a way and bring to fruition all His good and perfect ways before me as I walk this narrow way. I have been blessed and as I etch into the marble walls of my heart the blessings of the fading year, I begin again to record the blessings that begin to rain down on His humble servant.The beginning of a journey is never the part we need to worry about, starting is not the hard part... staying the path, not turning around, not running away, doing as God has asked you to do and serving when you'd rather do anything else on earth. You were called to a great purpose, that purpose carries its own pathway and though roads may intersect or entertwine, you are your own, you and God alone know your journey and your story is what makes you who you are. God is writing an amazing novel of your life from all you do- can you imagine those who will want to read it when you're finished? Go out and do an amazing work, for God is with you and none can stand against you.

May God bless your year and may you never be far from the shadow of His wings.

-Jordin Sparks-

.Live.

2009-05-30T10:29:00.000-07:00

"School's a weird thing, I'm not sure it works." -Johnny Depp-

I can honestly say that it works indeed. I cannot say that I learned what A+B really equals, Nor can I say that I now know all that falls between Plato and NATO, but I can say that I have learned much, it may not be completely academic, but I feel it was more important. I learned how to Live and how to Thrive.

August 19th, 2005 I made my way to a small campus on the corner of 91st and Burnside in Portland Oregon, my new college, my new home for the next 4 years. I was excited and thrilled to be leaving my house and to have to myself the small 2 1/2 acre piece of property to share with all my soon to be friends. I was thrilled. I couldn't wait to get out of the truck and move in and as they had said, blossom into the young Christian Woman they would encourage me to be. I was soooo excited. God is good; he brought me to this amazing place!!!

I can't afford books... what will I do???? Megan started dating Steve... this is so weird and awkward and my little heart is broken, how will I get through this?!?!?!? I don't know if I can stand another random scent coming from our hallway!!!! Lambdas or Deltas????

Lord give me strength…
“The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still” Exodus 14:14

“Education is only the ladder to gather fruit from the tree of knowledge – not the fruit itself.”
–unknown-

August 16th, 2006 I just finalized everything to live off campus. It’s the only way I can keep going to school. It saves me $6,000 per year. It breaks my heart, but the Thomas' have been kind enough to let me live at their house and keep going to school. I have a room that's all mine and I am so excited!!! Shawn Jones is so amazing!!! He should have put me on Academic Probation (that goes on your permanent record) and suspended me because my cumulative GPA from last year was a whopping 1.02 but instead, he gave me a second chance... I am on academic alert; I have to raise my GPA to a 2.0 by semester. Bonnie, his assistant offered to help me... rather told me she was helping me make a calendar to make sure I knew when my due dates were and she would keep me accountable to it. Its a little nerve racking, but I'm up for the challenge. I had a busy summer and this year is going to be amazing. The freshmen are already here and headed to the coast... I am so ready to be back on this campus!!! God has been good!!!!

I failed Math again?!?!?!? I need another loan?!?!?!? Is forgiveness really possible?!?!?

Lord give me strength...
“If anyone speaks let him speak as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves let him serve through the strength God provides; that in all things God may be glorified through Christ Jesus. To Him be the glory and power forever and ever Amen.” 1 Peter 4:11

“ Some need a second chance, and we're going to give them that second chance.” -Collin Powell-

January 8, 2007 We just got back and I went to see Shawn to make sure I was on target. I'm not. He was impressed that my term GPA was a 3.0, but my cumulative GPA is a 1.854 so he will let me continue raising it through this semester, my goal is to not go backwards. I need to remember this gift. Bonnie is still gonna help me make more calendars for this semester so I can keep up like I am. God is good.

All my friends graduated!!! I need to take two summer classes to stay caught up!!! Where am I going to get the money!?!?!??! I need a job!!!!

Lord give me strength....
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7

“We learn not in the school, but in life” -Seneca-

August 17th, 2007 After two summer classes and a new job I am set to begin another year. I'm helping with Freshman Orientation this year and I can't wait for the freshmen to show up. This is going to be a great year!!! I am a Junior and life continues to be great!!! I'm done with Math and I am set for another year... I can't believe I've already been here 2 years.... By God's grace and Bonnie's help...God has been good to me!!!!

Megan's graduating!!!! Cascade People are quitting and moving on... I didn't know they did that!!!! I'm worried about next year!!! I need to take two summer classes again!!!!

Lord give me strength....
“Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.” 1 Corinthians 15:58

“God places the heaviest burden on those who can carry its weight.” -Reggie White-

August 25, 2008 This is weird, we're starting a week later than normal. But it’s ok. Brian and I talked about graduation, I'm almost done... how sad? He said I could come back and keep helping with Freshman O... It'll be great!!!! I love this time of year everything so fresh and new!!! Life is fantastic!!! God has been so good!!!! I have missed everyone so much!!!

I have to order more books. I need to find a good friend this year. What job will I get to follow up my degree? Do I need to move out after I graduate?

Lord give me strength….
“As water reflects a face, so a Man’s heart reflects the man.” Proverbs 27:19

“The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.” -Abraham Lincoln-

October 27, 2008 We were called to an emergency meeting to the Rehearsal Hall... we're all wondering who died then they announced today that Cascade College is closing its doors come May 1, 2009. Cascade died.... This spring. Bill Goad tells us of Hezekiah and how he was given 15 more years of life after he asked it of God. Like us, we were given 15 more years of life by OC. It was a hard decision and come spring our doors will shut. There is a lot of crying and moaning and booing. I didn't know what to do or where to go... Classes are cancelled and people are lamenting all over campus...

This is the last graduation. How can this happen!?!?!??! This is my home!!! Look at all the tears!!!! What will I do? What about the faculty and staff??? What about the students???? This can't happen!!! GOD WHERE ARE YOU!?!?!?!?

"Go and say to Hezekiah, 'Thus says the LORD, the God of your father David, "I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears; behold, I will add fifteen years to your life.” Isaiah 38:5

“I used to believe that if you hugged a bad person you could hug all the bad out of them. Now I wonder if you hug someone who’s heartbroken if you could hug all the sad out of them too.” -Jack Helton-

December 12, 2009 Its Christmas Break and we're all praying for a Christmas Miracle. We need a lot of money!!! Will God remember Cascade this holiday season???

January 12, 2009 School picks up again today and there was no Christmas miracle... what is going to happen??? This last semester is going to happen so fast!!! What will I do? What will we do?

Lord give us Strength to bear this loss....
“I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go , and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I promised you.” Genesis 28:15

“Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends.” -Unknown-

May 2, 2009 I haven’t gone 1 chapel without crying this semester as Bill Goad and others have told us to "Finish Strong". I have cried as we watch people get jobs out of state. I cried as OC came to speak to us, I cried as students left at semester, I cried as we began packing things up that we didn't need and I cried as chapel memories were shared. As alumni came and spoke, as historic figures of Columbia and Cascade came and shared their words of wisdom and their stories of Cascade and the things they saw here. The ways in which they saw God giving to this place. The ways God touched this campus.
Today is graduation and I want to cry but everyone is counting on me keeping these eyes dry. The ceremony went fine for the most part. Then Brian got up to speak as thunder began rolling across the sky. Tandy just told us how appropriate it is that he and Brian were the last speakers at Graduation because they were the first two to sign a contract to Cascade when it first opened. Brian first then Tandy.
"I have nothing to say to you." Brian began as the thunder hummed behind his words' "I have nothing to say that you will remember, but remember what you have seen here and what you have gained here. All I have to give you is my life as an example. We all gave you our lives. We took precious time away from our families because we believed in this place and we believed in you. Live a life worthy of that. Live a life worthy of Cascade. None of my words are going to emphasize that more and there are no words I could say that would sum up what we have done here in the last 15 years. Go, and live a life worthy of this place and these people."
Thunder ripped through the sky as hail poured down on top of our little patch of heaven on 91st and Burnside. Some said it was condemning OC for closing Cascade, some said it was God's Amen to Brian's speech. I think for so long this place has been the shadow beneath God's wings that perhaps it was God saying good bye to this small place. And like many said, one day we will all meet up in the Northwest Corner of heaven.

“For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.” Ephesians 3:14-21

God has been good to me. In February Paul, Bonnie's husband told me that he couldn't help but think that Cascade stayed open to serve me. I asked him why he thought that, he said that of all the students he's seen, they all could have thrived without this place, they can all move on, but me, I needed Bonnie, I needed the close intimate space of Cascade, I needed this place as it was. I wouldn't have survived without Bonnie or anywhere else with anyone else other than the teachers, faculty and staff here at Cascade. Those words made me cry. Perhaps they are true, perhaps they are not.

At our Blessing and Challenge Chapel given to the students by the faculty and staff June Breninger charged us to LIVE!!!!! Life is a journey, many dreams will never be actualized and many things will not come to bear in our lives as we would like them, but its part of the journey... so GO OUT THERE AND LIVE!!!!!!!!! (I love her...lololol)

So in the words of so many faculty and staff at Cascade:
LIVE!!!! Live a life worthy of the blessing you have received. You were given SOMETHING... a mentor, a home, a life, a small school on the corner of 91st and Burnside for 4 years in the Northwest Corner of Heaven and you have gained something from that blessing. You have been given a gift and your "Thank You" is to live worthy of that gift. To live in such a way that you never look back and say, what a shame, that others never look at what they gave you and think about what went wrong and how they failed. Cascade was not a failure, if anything it was a success, it succeeded 5 years longer than it was supposed to. Nothing is coincidence, nothing is happenstance, NOTHING is mistake. God is purposeful. Be purposeful as God is. Live well. Live life as a journey to be explored and enjoyed not looked back on and regretted.
I regret nothing about my time at Cascade. Yes, I could have studied more but I then would have missed out on a moment I shared with someone in some random place I never would have been in. I am blessed. I received the immense glorious blessing of getting to know an incredible group of Men and Women who not only taught me about history, math, English, communication, the Bible, or photography, but also about God and life and who I am as a wonderfully and fearfully made creation of God. I learned who I am as friend, as a woman of God, I learned who I was as a student and a daughter and a sister and a spectator and participant in a world of people who go too fast in life to see the simple things God has given us.
LIVE. God is good. If I have been taught anything it is to live. God takes care of the details. Each year I had fears and qualms and worries about what was coming, what had fallen in my lap and God took care of it all. He found me money for college, he found me housing and books and people and classes and friends and all the amazing things only He can provide us when we look to him and ask for help.
So, go out and thrive, you may not have gone to Cascade, you may not even know what Cascade is, but Thrive as those around you deserve. Thrive in such a brilliant way that it can’t help but be interpreted as a Thank You to those people. Live in such a way, worthy of the life God has given you. Be a tool for Him and a blessing to those around you.
God is good and He will give you strength to bear what you do not think you can.

“There are four questions of value in life... What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same. Only love.” -Johnny Depp-

.Faith.

2008-11-12T09:26:00.000-08:00

"When you come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on, or you will be taught to fly"
-Patrick Overton-

Doubt. Unsure. questioning. avoidance. fear. mistrust. suspicion. guilt. shame. sadness. discouragement. pain. hurt.

All things we're taught not to entertain when in reference to God. However, tonight as I sat listening to my fellow students talk and discuss I heard one of the most incredible thoughts I have ever heard vocalized. If as a Christian, we are in that rut, that shallow end of the valley and we are doubting and questioning God and His existence and what it is that He has planned for the mess we're in, its not a bad thing. To question God and have doubts about whether He's still in His right mind or not is not a slam on Him, doing that and still being faithful, going to church, attending devo, fellow shipping with your brothers and sisters, that shows true Faith. Being unsure and still following, stepping off the edge, going that extra step, that's real Faith.

"When the solution is simple, God is answering."
- Albert Einstein-

I was in a rut, a big rut. I didn't know if I was going to fully escape it, I just knew I didn't want Satan to have a foot hold in my life or on my faith and it scared more than anything to be in that rut. It felt like I had fallen in a hole and was never going to escape, a dark deep hole, like a well. And I kept going to church hoping something would be said of my rut, that God would speak through my minister or my teachers in class. I'd go to devo hoping God would help my peers to speak the words I needed to hear. Time after time, I'd listen to song after song waiting for the words that would make it all click back into place. I did service, hoping that perhaps that witnessing something I needed to see would help my rut vanish. I
read books, spent time in my prayer journal and talked with God about it and still my rut remained. Until last night when a person I would have never imagined shared how he was doubting God and he had called a friend and heard those words from him.
"That's Faith. True Faith. Doubting and Questioning and still going the distance, that's Faith as it was always intended to be."
The church, perhaps, has taught us its bad to doubt and question and we should be ashamed to do so. And we feel guilty and we don't talk about it, and That I believe, is where Satan's foot hold is. In the guilt and the shame. In that place where you're afraid to talk to someone else about it and in that you are alone and you fall away thinking you are the only one who feels this way.

"Faith is confirmed by the heart, confessed by the tongue,, and acted upon by the body."
-Unknown-

As I look back, I don't think it was a rut as most people would describe it, it was more of a questioning and a time of frustration with God. But what an awesome God we have that we can question and doubt and get frustrated and at the end of the day come back and be welcomed back with open arms, where He is waiting for us with Mercy, where He wipes away and banishes all shame and guilt and simply says, "Welcome Home, my Child"

"As Children bring their broken toys with tears for us to mend
I brought my broken dreams to God because he was my friend,
But then instead of leaving Him in peace to work alone
I hung around and tried to help, with ways that were my own
At last I snatched them back and cried
"How can you be so slow?"
"My Child," He said, "What I do?
You never did let go."
-Unknown-

Keep the faith, and most importantly........Let Go and Let God.

.Life.

2008-04-28T01:01:00.000-07:00

"If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, then all possibility of life is destroyed." -Chris McCandless-

We wander this life going to and fro and worrying constantly about who is looking and what they will say. Life is not about impressing each other. Its not about the cars and the money and the STUFF. the STUFF is the monotony, the daily things you deal with, the problems that arise, all of that is STUFF, LIFE is about living to the best you possibly can to the glory of God in all you have within you. Your desire to passionately love Him with all you have and all you can give, not because He needs it, but because you can't live another day without sharing it with Him. The experiences and the life and the wonderment you have with it all. Its all encompassing and so worth every moment you give Him and you live for the next moment you get to tell Him about, the next moment you get to share. LIFE is so full of spontaneous randomness and people to love and share with and it is only as rich as you make it to be. It can be endless, memorable, full of experiences you could not ever live without having done, people you could not have ever imagined not meeting and happiness's you could have ever imagined not sharing.

"Happiness is only real when Shared" -Chris McCandless-

You have won the lottery. You are the 1% of the 1% of humanity who does not worry about where food will come from, if you will find clean drinking water tomorrow, if your clothes will withstand another winter. If you will live tomorrow because you have diarrea and the closest doctor is 300 miles away by foot. You cannot fathom true hunger so deep in the pit of your stomach that you don't know if you'll ever fill it. You can walk into any store and see at least one television where the rest of the world may not walk into one CITY and see a television. You are not destitute. hungry. dirty. thirsty. you are not so cold that you are unsure that you will make it through the night without freezing to death or so hot that you don't know if you will cook alive beneath the scorching sun. You do not have to run for safety beneath the cover of darkness to make sure you are not captured by rebels. You do not fear death by random disease because you have access to a doctor 10-20 minutes driving time. Nor are you afraid of orphaning your children because you have AIDS. You are not the other 99% of the population on this earth. You are blessed immeasurably.

You have that world at you fingertips, the touch of button. You can find out about flash floods in Japan. The starvation in Kenya. Children Soldiers in Uganda. The AIDS epidemic in Africa. The War in Iraq. And yet as you look things up on your computer in your safe house, your children safely playing outside in the yard, you say "how sad" and read over the facts, 2,400 lost; 45,000 dead; 20 million starving, 4 million without clean water, the list goes on.... and as you read the buzzer to the oven goes off, letting you know that your casserole is finished, you leave your reading to wash your hands beneath the 2 gallons of water that will rush from your faucet and down your drain to the sewers and you prepare your meal for your family. You all will take your vitamins and you will make sure you have taken your antibiotic for pink eye you had contracted from the lake last weekend. Perhaps later you'll write a check for $100 or so to the relief effort that some random organization is doing in those parts of the world you read about and then you can check that off your list for the day of good things you did in the world. You will tuck your kids in bed, lock up your house, snuggle into bed and your biggest fear for now is, 'what will I wear tomorrow?'

"When you love, God's light shines upon you." -Ron Franz-

To freely give and open your heart to immeasurable things you can do for others and experience for yourself is indescribable. We are surrounded these days by people asking us to go into the wild of Africa and tame it, To go into Japan and rescue it, To go to Iraq and calm it, to preach, to teach, to love, to encompass, to give new hope and compassion to the people who suffer being the 99%. Who are we? That we think ourselves so arrogant so as to ignore these requests? People are killing people, Canons echo from history where people were unsettled and rising up from their chairs to subdue the "enemy" in a fight they thought they were helping for the justice for the land and now gunfire fire echoes in the winds of Africa and Iraq because this world isn't "fair".

"I believe the world is what we make it, it can be a place where fair is the bottom line, where idealism for living can exist and righteousness rewarded, not taken advantage of." -Ellie Arroway-

Who are we to think that we deserve so much more than others, did you know that if America wanted to, we could feed the entire world on a 5 course meal daily. But we don't, nor do we answer the request to go out and feed those who are starving and dying. We don't go and care for the lost and sick, the destitute because we are the 1%, we won the lottery of life.

Who are we???

A great man once said, "On a head stone, there engraved one day, will be your name and maybe a cute little quote, but then beneath that will be the month, day and year you were born and a dash and then the month, day and year you died. That dash will symbolize your life, what you did, who you became and what you chose to honor God with. That dash is your life, head stones don't have room for excuses: "There wasn't enough time", "I got busy", "I meant to...", "I just needed to have things in order first"... Head stones only have room for life, what you did and who you were. What will people see in that dash? What will they remember?" -Willie Steele-

"Goodness is love in action, love with its hand at the plow, love with the burden on its back, love following his footsteps who went about continually doing good." -James Hamilton-

I am surrounded by great people. I know three incredible men that went into Africa to serve at an orphanage for a summer during their college career. I know two women and one man fresh out of college teaching the gospel to the masses in China where it is forbidden. I know a woman, one of my best friends, serving in Africa with the Peace Corps. I know four women and three men teaching the gospel and English in Germany. I know 4 men and 4 women serving in Africa teaching the masses the gospel and how to read and write. I know one man and one woman going to an orphanage in Africa and raising funds to have a bigger building built to house all the children and to keep them safe from danger. I know a couple who travel to Japan yearly to teach English there and spread the gospel. I know three women who live and work in Japan at an orphanage teaching the children to read and write and about Christ. I know one man who lived and died with the passion in his heart of the work in Korea. I know another man who died with the passion of the work being done in Africa. I know people who long in their hearts to return to places like Haiti, China, South America, Ecuador, Japan, Germany, Prague, Iraq, ran, Palestine, Jerusalem, Kenya, Korea.... I know people who are doing the work of the Lord at the Portland Mission, who serve, giving food out of the pantry at Metro Church of Christ, who serve at the women abuse shelter- Shepherd's Door, Men and Women who are working in places like Hope Rising Adoption Center where children are given to Christian families, Hope House - where teens can go and learn to reintegrate with their families and work in that environment, Men and Women who see people standing on street corners and go buy an extra taco to give away to them. I am surrounded by the blessing of God to the other 99% of the world.

"You are my Witnesses" -Isaiah 43:10-

In the 1940's the world suffered a huge loss as an entire generation of 90 years was wiped out in two days. The Holocaust. Hitler bore beneath him an ideal of what a person should be like and he tried to clean the world of all imperfections, a mass purge. In that generation could have been all sorts of people, a Doctor to find the cure for cancer, an idealist to argue for the solution to world hunger, A lawyer, a Judge, a Mayor, a mother, a father, but alas they are gone. None the less the world said and did nothing because, "surely someone else will take care of it". No one else will do your job near as well as you could ever do it. The suffering may not be as great as that of the people who died by the hellfire in the Holocaust, but people are suffering because you standing by, watching, doing nothing. Reaching out and touching them, fulfilling their life is the best gift God gave you to give to someone else.

We ask "Where is God"? when we see the headlines bringing the news of the next flash flood, starvation, destitution and hunger. But I ask, "Where are you?", God asks, "Where are you?" He gave you the Privilege of being the 1% in a world filled with 99%, He wants YOU, the 1% to go help find and rescue the 99%. He blessed YOU, He gave you the best possible gift to give to the rest of humanity. What are you doing with it? Saving it for a rainy day? Holding onto it for "next time"?

I sit in pondering thought going over and over in my mind how one man can do such amazing things to irreversibly change the course of the future just by what he believed so passionately in. Nate Saint, father to Steve Saint, who went into the jungle of Ecuador and was murdered by the Waodoni. And, yet Steve met with his father's killer, Mincayani and taught him about Jesus and the way to true salvation. Who chose under the belief his father carried not to kill Mincayani for the loss of his father, but rather to love him in spite of that. He loved him and is now helping Mincayani's people, the Waodoni Tribe to learn the glory of God and forgiveness. Christopher McCandless went into the Wild of Alaska to find the glory of God at its truest form. To find that happiness is not in buildings of wood and stone, not in STUFF, but in LIFE. He never returned home to personally share that with his family, but it was shared through his journal and through the people he encountered on his journey. Charlie Wilson who, with the support of those around him, helped end to cold war. Erin Gruwell who saw the need that a classroom full of young adults had and filled that position unwaveringly and through time taught them about the passion they have within themselves to accomplish things beyond their means may allow or their roots may ever have dreamed.

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone cans tart today and make a new ending." -Maria Robinson-

I do not condemn you for your actions or lack there of. I do not condemn you for the many times you turned away. I cannot condemn you for your thoughtlessness. I cannot condemn you. It is not my place, it is God's and God's alone to judge you. Just remember that when you get to heaven and you stand before the Lord of all you are and all you have you will have to give an account and what will you tell Him, "I didn't have enough time"? Be bold. Be courageous. Be like Christ and make love a verb.

"If you only do what you know you can do, you never do very much." -Tom Krause-

"Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?" -Morgan Freeman-

Sieze all God's Limitless opportunities for you in your LIFE day by single day, moment by moment and Share with all who cross your path.

Women

2008-02-21T09:12:00.000-08:00

"You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, she is beautiful because you love her" -Unknown-

Oh how I hate those sentences that so often drip from the mouths of women everywhere....

"I'm fat".... "I'm worthless"..... "I'm ugly".... "No one wants me".... "I'm nothing"... "I'm a loser".... "I'm hopeless".... "I'm a mistake"....ect.....

No woman is nothing, all of them are worth far more than they even know. Oh how I hate how our country has made women to be an object, and even the models them selves are not "good enough" to be published. Their pictures after they are taken are digitally altered to make them "more pleasing".... Oh please!!!! More pleasing would be to see a real woman instead of someone that doesn't exist. No wonder there are eating disorders and self image problems we think we are inferior to pictures that hang on bill boards and cover magazines that arn't even pictures of real people...some pieces of those pictures are real...maybe the chin, or the nose....or perhaps an eye, an ear.... maybe the skin tone... but the rest. ALTERED!!!! Why? And what's worse is men don't even know....let alone the women. And they miss out on seeing some of the true gems of the female gender because they're searching for women who don't exist.... like searching for the Holy Grail.
Here's a little good old fashion Research for you....It has been proven that in the end...when they marry...men prefer to marry women who are not skin and bone skinny. It is much harder for a woman who is under weight to find a husband than one who is at their healthy weight limit according to their height or slightly over.
God makes us all perfect in His image. We are the exact picture of who He wants us to be. We are of the height and weight and structure that He designed us for His purposes. Look at Song of Soloman and what he said about his wife!!!

In Song of Soloman Chapter 7:1-6

"How beautiful your sandled feet, O Prince's daughter, Your graceful legs are like jewels, the work of the craftman's hands"
Ok, so she has great feet and great legs.... (So exercise and walking is good....)
"Your navel is like a rounded goblet that never lacks blended wine. Your waist is a mound of wheat encircled by lilies."
So she has an outie and a pot-belly... kewl.... (no need for that new diet)
"Your breasts are like two fawns , twins of a gazelle."
So she's near flat chested.... great...(We can tell everyone they don't need implants)
"Your neck is like an ivory tower. Your eyes are like the pools of Heshbon by the gate of Bath Rabbim. Your nose is like the tower of lebanon looking toward Damascus."
So she has an uber long neck, great eyes and a freakishly long nose.....ok, ok....(Good-bye plastic surgery!!!)
"Your head crowns you like Mt Carmel. Your hair is like a tapestry; the King is held captive by it's tresses."
She has a big head and nice hair.... (In some other verses he compares her hair to a flock of goats... if you can imagine what that looks like...) (So just make sure I comb my hair... Got it!!!)
"How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O Love, with your delights!"
And Soloman still loves her and calls her beautiful...

All these things we do to ourselves and still, I think Soloman would still fall head over heels for his bride. We freak out over pimples/zits, how big our noses are, how fat our lips are, how proportionate our torso is to our legs, and all that and we're missig the picture completely. Its all an ideal. Hitler had an ideal, Carl Marx, Stalin, but that doesn't mean that the ideal was good either. We looked at what Hitler did and called it insane, unethical, inhumane, murder. We called Marx a communist. What do we call what we are doing to ourselves? How we are distorting ourselves? Can you even see your own heart?

Pierced

2008-02-21T09:09:00.000-08:00

"Pierce my ear, O Lord, my God. Take me to Your door this day. I will serve no other god. Lord, I'm here to stay....."

I've been pondering for quite some time about a promise. A covenant. A way of keeping my word to God, my Lord. And I came upon Deuteronomy 15: 16-17 "But if your servant says to you, "I do not want to leave you," because he loves you and your family and is well off with you, then take an awl and push it through his ear lobe into the door, and he will become your servant for life. Do the same for your maidservant." And I found myself desiring to show my servanthood to God. I'm a very sentimental person and so demonstrable actions are what I comprehend best and such...
So there I found myself in the chair of Captin Jack's Peircing and Tatoo Parlor waiting for the piercing to be done with. As I had walked through the door a few minutes before, I questioned what was pushing me through the door, into the parlor, up to the counter, what was possessing my hand to sign the paper stating I was over 18 and handing over a copy of my license. I felt like I wasn't myself, but rather like I was watching myself go through this. I couldn't believe I was actually doing this.
He started piercing my ear and at first it felt like a normal piercing then out of nowhere this incredible pain shot through my ear, into my neck, and into the tips of my fingers. He pulled the awl through and it felt like he was twisting my ear round and round trying to rip it off the side of my head. I felt my chin quiver and yet I didn't cry, he was preparing to push the jewelary through and he stopped to let me breathe a moment and said "I'll leave that there a minute"... I said "That's cool, I'm down with that." and My friend laughed and I laughed, the piercer laughed and my friend said, "Oh my goodness Natasha, I can't believe You're cracking jokes." and we all laughed some more. He pushed the jewelary through and it didn't hurt too badly. He cleaned up my ear and let me sit up. My friend grabbed some IB prophen from my bag so I could get a head start before the pain sunk in from the newly developing swelling. We sat there a bit and I was shaking sooo badly. My friend and I prayed that this would bring glory to God and that He would use me to reach people and now as I had felt that My faith was at a point where I felt I was ready to begin talking to people in a way I hadn't before that my piercing would allow others to see that God is everything to me.
Please, Don't get me wrong, I am in no way trying to draw attention and say that I am above others. That I'm better because I did one of the most painful acts you can physically do to yourself, I am just sharing what has been on my heart. I chose to honor my God in a way I had not seen and in a way that not many people understand because of the kind of person I am. Also people have seen my pictures and asked, this is simply to answer questions as well.
And as for those questions..... No, God no longer requires physical tributes in honor, and No, God does state anything in the new testament about servants piercing their ears, and Yes, the verse I read is indeed in the Old Teastament. And Yes, I did have my ear pierced in the cartilidge instead of the lobe. I already have my lobes pierced and I didn't want to gauge them, and my cartilidge would be a bit more obvious and different.And, as I stated earlier I am a very sentimental person and demonstrable acts are better understood by me, so, I had my ear pierced to have a physical, visual, constant reminder of what I am, who I am and what I stand for and represent. I, in no way see it as vandalizing my temple: 1 Corinthians 6:19 "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own..." But rather I see it as a tribute, an Honor to my God, for whom I serve and have promised to serve for the entirity of my life. 1 Corinthains 6:20 "...you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." I live a fantastic life, my God has richly blessed me and I am so Thankful... Serving Him is the least I can do.
Do You Honor God with your actions? Your words? Your life? Your body?

".......For You have paid the price for me. With Your blood You ransomed me. I will serve You eternally. A free man I'll never be."

Relationships

2008-02-21T09:07:00.000-08:00

There are easier things in life than trying to find a nice guy... like nailing jello to a tree for instance... -Lois Wyse-

I'm 20 years old. I've never been kissed. I've never gone walking in the rain. In all honesty... I've never celebrated an anniversary, I've never been on a date where I had to dress up in a pretty black dress. My longest relationship was 4 months. My shortest was 1 week. And I haven't dated steady in about 5 1/2 years.
So that's me and my dating life. Guys. I was content to stay to myself and wait for God to do his thing. He does things pretty well. And as I travelled around running errands this summer I happened to find some time to make a point to meet up with someone I considered a very good friend. But now, as summer is closing, I find him to be more to me than a friend. I really enjoy talking to him and getting to know more about him. I find that he makes me want to be a better person, a better christian, and more responsible. And he can make me laugh like no other!
I know in some instances I have gone to extenses to be a different person for various guys, I have immbellished who I am and who I wanted to be to fit who they wanted me to be and the type of person they were looking for. Which is wrong, and I never understood why I did it. Now I understand the importance of being who I am for the one who is looking for me. But in this case I'm completely myself because I didn't feel I should have to be someone else for anybody.

"I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not." -Kurt Cobain-

But not being a big fan of long distance relationships, having had been in one. I find it strange to say that I feel like its worth it. To know the difference between explaining details of life and having that person face to face is a big deal. Shared experiences are important and forming a relational culture between you and the other person is important. And both are hard without a smaller amount of distance between you.
I don't have it all figured out. I don't know what I'm called to do outside of college and I can only pray I find the one my heart has been looking for.
Relationships are hard. They take time and nurturing. They take talking and listening, communication and making time for the other person. They take dedication. Commitment. Strength and weakness. Honoring eachother. Keeping your word. It takes the best you can give.

"Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have." -Sylvia Buse-

I'm 20 years old. I want to go walking in the rain for fun. I want to have an occation to wear a pretty black dress. I look forward to celebrating an anniversary. I want to be able to say I had dated someone for a year or more. I want to experience that feeling people try to decribe in your stomach when you kiss someone you love. I want to kiss the one I love in the rain. I want to be held. I want to belong. I want to love.

I won't lie, when I get older and get married I have every intention of staying home with my kids. I am in college to get a degree I can depend on. I'll go get a job and do good things for me while I'm single, but as soon as I get married and have children, I have no intention of working. I guess I'm old fashioned that way. I only pray that God will bless me to have the means to do that.

"One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter" -James Earl-

Accidents

2008-02-21T09:05:00.000-08:00

"Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes"
Oscar Wilde

Simple twists of fate, colliding lives, people who are brought together by a sudden impacting jolt so that both look up and see the other. Rather than passing by each other and saying their formal "Hello's" or sharing their friendly smiles, they are forced to speak and their worlds are irreversibly connected.
I am lost today. I started out on an average routine that I've done a hundred times, leave home, head to school, attend class, come home, help around the house, go to bed, wake up start again. Today was different. I started late, I normally wake up between 6 and 6:30, today I didn't get up and out of bed until 7:05. I rushed through my morning routine, forgetting to feed my fish and brush my teeth. I started on the wrong street and had to cross over to the other street, no big deal; I've done this before, just a couple more red lights and intersections. I head to school. I am driving and in following the cars in front of me, I pass my school, I make to turn around and go back on a different street because they're one way streets. I am getting closer to where I need to turn, I look up and see a yellow light, I don't have enough time to stop, I make to keep going and I see the light is red now and a car pulls in front of me, I slam on the breaks as hard as I can… and **BUMP**… I hit her back end. It wasn't hard but her car sweeps around to face the opposite direction and all of me begins to shake and my heart pounds in my head. I get out and ask her questions, I begin asking her over and over if she's ok, I am shaking so hard I can't stand still, her wheel is bent. I'm scared; this is not what was supposed to happen. I'm supposed to be at school printing things out for class. I'm supposed to be writing a paper. I'm not sure what to do. Someone who was there calls for the police to show up and we begin the process of getting out of the way of traffic and talking things out. The police take our statements and ask questions, I am really scared. I don't know what to do. I'm on my third year of driving, no accidents, no tickets, no driving record at all. What will happen? I call my dad and again start crying, this is such a horrible predicament I have ended up in. The other lady is fine, she's talking to the police, they're writing out the exchange of information sheet out, I give them my information and the officer tells us what to do. I get to school and I begin crying again. I call my mom and tell her the sad news, today is her birthday…. I feel awful!!! I feel all twisted inside like my organs took a vacation for where ever they felt like going and none of them are in the right place at all. My brain starts running through every possibility of what's going to happen. I am really scared and panicked about what is going to happen. This is not what today was supposed to be like. How did this happen?

"All men make mistakes, but only wise men learn from them."
Winston Churchill

I go to class and phone calls keep taking me out and people keep asking me questions, I don't want to be here right now either. I want to go home, crawl into bed and cry…. Maybe hide forever there… I have to call my Dad, I apologize over and over, he tells me to call my Mom. I call her and again apologize over and over. She tells me to relax and to go to class, she'll see me later. I go to class and explain to my teacher. I get a hug from a friend, I feel lost within myself… who's life am I living? Surely, it's not mine. I do not get into wrecks, I do not get called out of class to talk to the insurance agent or the victim. Class ends and I have to go talk to my advisor and friend about my classes for next year. I explain the craziness of this morning, he sympathizes with me and tries to crack a couple jokes, I don't laugh.

"I have learned that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt; while those who remain silent hurt more"
C.S. Lewis

I go home, I put the flowers I got for my Mom's birthday in a vase and we go look at the car and the damage and as we do that, my Dad pulls into the drive way. We all go back inside and as I sit I begin crying apologizing over and over. I am explained of the consequences… it's horrible what I've done… now the punishment - they're not as near as severe as I imagined, I feel horrible. I have disappointed them and myself. How can they still love me? This is a horrible mess. Will I ever climb out from under this?

"Many of us crucify ourselves between two theives, regret for the past and fear for the future"
Fulton Oursler

My mind runs away, what if there was a pedestrian? Or a bicyclist? Or a child? What if instead of hitting the breaks, I had gone full throttle into the other car? What if she had hit me? Would I have been injured badly? She would have hit me on the driver's side door. Sleep finds me, and I am lost with visions of car wrecks dancing in my mind all night long…

Does this ever end?.........

Cages

2008-02-21T09:03:00.000-08:00

"Emotions are by nature, amorphous. When confined to words, our longing and passions, our rebellions and humiliations often seem melodramatic, trivial or even pathetic."
-Greg Isles-

I am so happy. My life is blissful. I am content and excited to be as I am. I do not fear change, nor do I push it away, I simply am at peace with where I am. My parents are great and have been over this past school year. They continue to encourage me only in good ways! In God's ways! And my spirit soars and dives and rolls through the air, exploding out from every space of sky there is. They show me a love different from what I normally know and it is God's love and it is deep, far deeper than I have ever imagined. It is amazing how different you see God when you step back for simply a moment and look on all you can see. My parents show me God's love in all they do, in their words I hear God guiding me, in their hugs I feel God's tight embrace, in their heartbeats I hear the love of God. It's so wonderful, I feel so often that God is reaching through them to show me something I did not see, or to simply love on a broken heart. I am so blessed!

And yet, in the shallow depths of my spirit, in my secret heart I am hurting. The wind that my spirit has soared on has been snuffed out and my wings are tired and I plummet to the ground. Lost from the open skies, left out somehow from the life I have and want. The quietness that fills the depths of me roars out and nothing can be heard. The trees whisper their soft lullabies trying to calm my racing heart, the sun wraps me tight in its warmth to snuff out the ice behind my eyes, the clouds try to create a soft bed for me to lye on but I am simply lost in myself. I feel contained within a secret war, one between freedom of space and time, one of love and compassion and then one where I am not heard, not listened to, one where the massive wings of my spirit are encompassed in a cage all too small and where deceit roams freely. Where I stand in the open, shattered and broken hearted, having my wings clipped in front of the whole world so I may never soar the openness again.

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."
1 Corinthians 10:13

These two tear me to pieces. I love being free up in the clouds soaring the world, and I hate feeling locked away, like I'm two totally different people. It hurts and it's wrong. And yet, this is my life. I am free and set to soar among the clouds when I am home, when I am loved on by all those who show me Christ in all they do. I hate being locked away in cages where I'm forced to be when I am pulled into a past I have long tried to escape. It grabs at my feet, pulling me back, forcing thoughts and ideas that aren't my own into my mind, causing me to doubt and fear. I simply want to be me. The Christ loving woman I have seen in the mirror from time to time. And yet, I will forever be contained here in the "in-between", where I am tested time and time again, tests that push me to edges I didn't want to venture to in the first place. I know God will take care of me and that He will never push me too far beyond my limits, He'll simply stretch them.

*Big Sigh* Its hard being stuck between two families. One that helps you grow in ways you can't even imagine and one that goes against everything that the other is teaching. Its tough, belonging to such a family and wanting to be apart of the one that is encouraging you in so many ways. Its like being stuck in the middle of a divorce… no fun and lots of pain. When does it get easier? Will the anvils stop plummeting into my heart? Oh, how I wish… that storks were not dyslexic.

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to throw away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace."
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Blessed

2008-02-21T08:58:00.000-08:00

"Reflect upon your present blessingsof which every man has many, not on your past misfortunes of which all men ahve some"
Charles Dickens

I don't know when I was first blessed.

Maybe when I was only a couple weeks old and God helped the doctors and nurses know how to help me when I refused to eat. Maybe it was when I was hit and beat by my step-father when I was 5. Maybe when I was making the decision to run away and my sister convinced me we didn't have enough money to go any further than the Shell Station two blocks from our house around the time I was 8. It could have been when I was baptized after a great lesson from a wonderful Youth Group Leader, when I was 12. Perhaps, when I was13 or 14 and there was a tree between me on the four wheeler and the raging river on the other side of the embankment when I accidentally hit the gas instead of the brake. Perhaps, it was when I discovered what was going on in my house and made the decision to leave as soon as possible. Maybe when I was 16 and decided it would be more fun to continue ROTC in my High School instead of making worse decisions like having sex with my boyfriend like all my friends were doing. When I was 17 and I got a flyer about a college in Portland Oregon… perhaps. Maybe it was the girl I met there that became my room mate when I decided that Cascade was for me. Maybe it was when my best friend dated a guy I liked to help me realize that I didn't like him that much after all. Maybe it was when my two friends took me to the church that became my home. Maybe it was when I made the greatest friend I ever could have made and decided that confiding in him and sharing tough stuff with him was alright because he'd help me sort through it and see God's will in it all. Maybe it was when I adopted a family I got to know at the church I went to. Maybe it was when that family adopted me right back. Maybe all those things strengthened me for what was to come. To be strong to bless them, an in turn be blessed.

All I know is that I am indeed blessed and these are just a few of the blessings I have. I couldn't match all my blessings to the stars…. I'd simply run out of stars. But the greatest blessing I have is Christ. The second is the family I have that cares so much. Recently I have had the opportunity to be the shoulder and I am glad I can return the favor. Life puts some strange things in the mix, I'm just glad that God is there to sort it all out.

"God, who foresaw your tribulation,has especially armed you to go through it, not without pain, but without stain"
C.S. Lewis
This year, I have been so blessed; I have so many people who have taken time to make sure I'm doing what I need to do. My Jeathro, my cosmically connected buddy, my Mom and Dad, my many sisters and brothers, my church family and I am constantly reminded here at this school. This place where God comes alive in everyone in everything they say and do,
"It is not the job that makes the person, but rather the person that makes the job."
Natasha Kippenhan
Each person in my life plays a special role and, I think that if the philosopher was right and we are all merely actors on a stage, then if one person were not there, the play would fall apart. For in my life, each person with their own unique abilities and talent, they make the play what it is.

"God loves us the way we are, but too much to leave us that way."
Leighton Ford
God has blessed my life and I am so thankful. I deserve so much less and yet he has seen to it that I found exactly what I need; the best family, the best home, the best state, the best School, the best people. I am without want. I am content. I am satisfied. There is nothing more…. Except maybe that my fish live….

May God bless you in all you do and may you find his blessings today in all you see. May you look not through the eyes of want, but through the eyes of your heart, the heart of a servant. The heart of your most High God, the Father of the most High Christ. And may you see what he sees… it will surprise you.

"God does not look you over for medals, degrees or diplomas, but for scars."
Elbert Hubbard
In His Love
Divinely Favored ~

Fishes...

2007-02-02T12:17:00.000-08:00

These are my fish, Monet and Linneah. I got them about a week ago. They're so cute. Sadly, Linneah died 2 days after I had them. They came from Walmart and are gold fish... most likely feeder fish so it wasn't a big shock, but they are pretty cute! Monet is pretty big and a real eater. I'm excited cuz now I have a pet!!! Now I can also kind of understand why people like fish, you can talk to them and they listen. They're pretty good company, not that they talk back, but you know something else is there with you and you can take care of them. Its pretty kool. So thats my fish. God was pretty creative if you think about it! Monet is pretty... just your average gold fish but have you ever thought about what it would be like if we didn't have color? Orange is a pretty awesome color.

That's all I've got. Take care and have a blessed day!!!

~~~<3

Struggles...

2007-01-30T12:06:00.000-08:00

She spreads her massive golden wings wide to engulf the sky as she lifts from her sleeping place, with every beat of her wings she is sent soaring higher and higher. The sun rises and touches the tips of her wings. She is content and happy. At peace with all that is around her. I recently returned from a women's retreat with many other metro church women. It was amazing! These women are simply amazing, they've been where I was, they've walked harder roads and easier ones....and they are amazing women of God. The theme was "My Jesus I love you".... one point was "I love you because you are not jealous..." Jesus doesn't get jealous. I get jealous, I'm a territorial person, all of my friends and family are in a box that I keep secure and close, no one enters the box without my permission, no one exits the box. I get jealous of infants and 2 year olds who take time away that I see as "mine" I get jealous of my dog for taking away time that's "mine". I struggle with letting go and sharing the people and blessings in my life. I am so blessed. For all the things I have been given, I must be divinely favored. God has answered my prayers in ways I could not have ever imagined. I am in a place of love, my place of refuge in the shadow of God's wings. My school, my home, Portland... all blessings. Friends, family, life....blessings. I am constantly amazed at what God is at work doing. We learned Jesus is not rude. He knocks and waits for the door to be opened and when it is he waits to be asked inside and he is the best guest because he always brings a gift. He has never failed to bring me a gift of comfort whenever I need him especially near. But I came home kind of sad, a little bit grumpy, I hid it well though. You see, I am also scared. Then from no where a net wraps her wings tight and close to her, she cannot free herself and it sends her plunging towards the ground she left for the freedom of the sky.She struggles against the binding rope but it is useless. Her tears flood her eyes and she feels so alone. I have been hurt. A person who hurt me many years ago is about to get out of prison in roughly 3 months and I don't know how to feel about that. I forgave that person and I feel no obligation of any sorts to them, but I am scared. Scared they may still have power over me, scared they could still hurt me. Where do I run? I feel as if the floor has fallen out from all around me and I can only stand on the ground beneath my feet where I am stuck and as I stand there from the depths below me arises a fear I am unaware of, no where to go, no where to hide. I feel that my heart is going to explode from the anxiety its humming through my body. I don't want the fear to take over my life. I don't want them to have that power over me. I want only God to have power over me. And yet the tears well in my eyes and the little heart in my chest pounds every beat resonating in my ears. I don't know how to feel. I don't know what to think. I simply am...and I am scared. There is no one around, no one to help her. She cries for help but is gone unheard by those she thought would catch her in such an instance. Her massive wings trapped and her heart breaks. 1 Corinthians 13:4 - 8a Jesus is not jealous (*nor should I be*).... He does not delight in evil but rejoices in righteousness... I know He will watch over me. He will forever be my stronghold. My strength in weakness, my rock of refuge. My strong tower. That at least brings me some peace, but I am still scared. The past can be a powerful thing.... will I be able to stand up over this? Will I have to face it? Will I have the strength? I don't know where to begin... I don't even know what the beginning of this looks like. No sign, no reference point, nothing. I am lost and scared... I don't doubt God's strength for He is greater than I, I just doubt my own strength I guess... Suddenly a form far greater than she, with white wings too bright to look at, caught her with great strength, eased her to the ground, and set her free. She didn't move, didn't shift. The soft feathers brushed her face and she curled into a postion of vulnerability, Her massive wings spread wide along the ground, her face hidden beneath one. God has been good to me. He has taken care of me when I needed him before. He has taken care of me when I didn't know I needed him. He has asked for nothing more than my faithfulness and there have been times when I have denied him that, and yet he is ever pressent. I don't deserve it, I have denied him before others, I have refused to let him into my heart and yet he was there. Always present. Always comforting my heart and soul. Allowing it to soar to heights I had never known. She owed him her life, He would to clip her wings, to ground her, keep her in sight until she repaid her debt. Nothing happened, she peeked out from beneath her wing and there was no one. She looked around in all directions... no one. Then a shadow was over her and she look up, the massive form blotting out the sun but still too bright to make out much more than wings...

Paslm 18:2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

In The Ditches...

2007-01-30T12:04:00.000-08:00

So... a man came to school today and spoke in chapel and the story he told truely hits home....

So a man, his name is Dave, is walking and he slips and falls in a ditch. He looks around and he can't find a way out, he can't climb out, he's truely stuck.

He sees a doctor walk by and he says, "Doctor!! Its Dave, can you help me out? I fell in this ditch and I can't get out!!!" The doctor looks at him, takes out a pad and writes him a percription, throws it in the ditch and keeps going.

Next, Dave sees a business man and he yells up to him, "Business man, can you help me out, Its Dave, and I got stuck here in this ditch." The business man takes out his check book, writes him a check, throws it in the ditch and keeps going.

Dave sees a Preacher walks by and Dave yells up, "Preacher!!! Its Dave, I'm stuck here in this ditch, can you help me out?" The preacher takes out a piece of paper and writes down a prayer for Dave and throws it in the ditch and continues on.

Next Dave sees his friend Ben, he yells up to Ben, "Ben!!! Please, can you help me out? I'm stuck down here, no one else will help me out. Can you give me a hand?" Ben looks first left, then right and then jumps down in the hole. Dave asks, "What are you DOING???? Now we're both stuck down here!!!" Ben says, "No, I've been here before and I know the way out."

Our speaker next proceeded to tell us about AIDS and the hold it has over the people in Africa. About 8% of the world owns their own car, we know more people who own cars than we do people who have AIDS.

If you want to be a doctor, Great!!! Go be a doctor, but be a doctor in India. There are plenty of doctors here. You want to be a lawyer? Awesome!!! Go be a lawyer on the other side of the tracks, in the projects. There are plenty of lawyers in New York. You want to be a teacher? Thats fantastic, but go be a teacher in Africa. They need teachers there. There are plenty of teachers here. Go be something that feel good about being for the rest of your life. Go make a difference insomeone's life where you are desperatly needed. Go do something great for the world by taking one small step for those with no voice.

There are a great many people in this worlkd stuck in ditches, we need to go help them out. We need to be their teachers, doctors, lawyers, whatever. We need to go be there for them.

Would you go into the ditches to help some one you may not know?

Inadequate...

2007-01-30T11:53:00.001-08:00

Inadequate: unable to measure up to, unsuitable, imperfect.

Life: defective

Words, symbols, signs of devotion, actions… all of them have come to be inadequate. They can't pull an emotion out of me and define it. I can say 'I am sad' but the pain that my heart is feeling is not simply sadness. It is snapping in two and not only my eyes are spilling over and draining the uncontrollable mess within me but my spirit is crying too. Inadequate. The way my shoulders slump over and how I ignore any form of touch cannot discribe correctly the hurt I feel. Inadequate.

I am 'happy' but you can't understand the joy that is flooding my heart, soul, and mind. You can't comprehend the desire I have to climb to the top of the world and laugh because that's all I have within me is laughter. Inadequate. I could not jump up high enough or spin fast enough for you to comprehend the ecstasy my soul is feeling when I am happy. I could nt smile big enough. Inadequate.

'I love you', you couldn't possibly understand that the stars are too few in number to count the ways I adore you. I go to tell someone that I love them and the word love has been substituted for appreciation and now it's like MasterCard, its accepted world wide- it's universal. Inadequate. How much I appreciate you can't be described in one word. The attachment my heart has placed on yours is not easily broken, in fact, I don't think you could if you wanted. The compassion I feel for you can't be felt or touched or wrapped up tight, the demonstration I could show you would in fact be, inadequate. The ways I respect you, cherish your presence and words, how much I care whether you wake or not in the morning, the kindness I display especially for you, you could not understand. For human words, and human actions, human feelings are not enough for you to understand. Inadequate. No amount of hugs could display enough, no kiss could speak clear enough to your heart, nor could I get close enough to you for you to understand how much you mean to me. Inadequate.

"God speaks to me not through the thunder and the earthquake, nor through the ocean and the stars, but through the Son of Man, and speaks in a language adapted to my imperfect sight and hearing." -William Phelps-

I am beginning to find that the only word that is true is the word 'Inadequate'.

Inadequate: not sufficient, inept, unsuitable, defective, imperfect.

As I look at my life as my own, and begin looking at all the people that mean the world to me over, I cannot find words to express to them their importance in my life, their role in my life, Nor the many things I can recall as I etch their memory into the marble walls of my heart to forever remain in the book of my life. Inadequate. I don't think anyone will really know what I hold inside, for I alone am ME and only I know what I am feeling. I cannot try to describe to you the Joy I have within me because God has smiled on me and yet I believe that the latter statement is inadequate. Yes, he HAS smiled on me, but… I am Divinely Favored, for God has blessed me with more than I deserve. I am inadequate.

Inadequate: unable to measure up to, unsuitable, imperfect.
Love: tender, passionate, attachment, deep affection, strong liking, appreciation, adoration, devotion, compassion, fondness, selflessness, cherish, respect, care, grace, kindness, admire, applaud, apprize, enjoy, esteem, extol, honor, praise, prize, rate highly, regard, relish, treasure, friendship, ect…

I love you. For though the word has become inadequate, I pray you would allow for my heart to speak to yours through such a word. Do not pay attention to the word nor its meaning, for it is inadequate, but rather, as the reader, what you feel when you hear me, the author, say that to you. Allow that to speak volumes into the core of your soul and then you will understand why humanness is inadequate.

I am Third...

2007-01-30T11:53:00.000-08:00

I am Third- Unknown

There was a boy who was very popular among others his age. He was an excellent leader in his school groups. One of his friends visited him and saw a homemade plaque in his room with the words "I Am Third" on it. His friend asked him what it meant and he replied, "It is the motto I try to use in my life. It means "God is first, Others are second, and I am Third.'"

The driving force in our lives should be trying to please God. Secondly, we should take into consideration the needs and pleasures of others. With our own pleasures subordinated, we will truly be the humble servants of God.

"I lay me down and bleed a while..."

2007-01-30T11:51:00.000-08:00

"I lay me down and bleed a while; though I am injured I am not slain." -Metro Church Member-

My soul is wrenched from the sky and grounded and my heart aches for those hurting, and though the flood gates have opened, a drought has over come the water there and no tears fill my eyes, nor a rainbow to comfort my soul. The pain others are suffering is palpable and the energy it is stealing is heart breaking. Yes, some have "laid down to bleed a while" but it seems that if Satan has won this battle, then many of us have "laid down to bleed a while" and there were not enough to fight back for the victory we desired. I have prayed and I thought I was fighting a good fight. I can only wait and allow my wings to be absent from the sky as "I lay down to bleed a while, for though I am injured, I am not slain". In a perfect world, one we've never known, there would be no battles, sin would not corrupt all we know and those we love, In a perfect world, a utopian society, life would be reflected like that of the life of Christ. But we don't live in Utopia and this is far from a perfect world. Battles are cast daily and wars acknowledged at every turn, but the one thing that continues to give me hope is that Christ is well and alive today. He makes his home in my heart and in the hearts of those all over the world. No, this world is not perfect, but it can be saved. We all just need to stop fighting with each other and start fighting against the true enemy, Satan.

Healer of my soul,
Heal me at Even,
Heal me at morning
Heal at noon
Keeper of my soul

Lord, I'm tired
Of the straying and stumbling (down)
Heal my soul
From the snare of sin
(repeat)

(Repeat song)

Healer of my soul: -Unknown-

Ignoring Christ...

2007-01-30T11:49:00.001-08:00

Under Bridges

Yesterday while walking
Beneath an overpass
I saw a figure of Jesus
Standing barefoot on broken glass
His beard was graying
The smell of urine filled the air
Asking if I had some change
Anything I could spare

Emaciated
His shaking fist balled up
Influenza and pneumonia
Begging God to take his cup
So different from his pictures
Breathing air through yellowed tubes
Jesus Christ, dying of AIDS
Can look right through you

And all have hated
Crucified and walked away
The savior of the prostitutes
Drunkards, rapists, and the gays

Under bridges
With Hands raised
From the ghettos they praise his name
Broke and crippled in the dark of night
Raise your voices to Jesus Christ
Hallelujah.

-Brave Saint Saturn-

Many of us don't want to hear this. Its too much to take in all at once. We want to see God as perfect, untainted by the world we live in. But the fact remains that he came to this world for these people. He came to be with the poor, the needy the oppressed. I don't think we grasp what oppressed means now-a-days. It's not a word we can see very clearly, especially in our society with "equal rights for all", welfare for those in need, special aid programs for those who need help with physical problems such as blindness and deafness. Physical characteristics don't hold us back like they used to back in the time of Jesus. No, we don't see the "oppressed" very clearly. We look at other countries and see them as oppressed, held back within their own society, but not here, not in America. In my own opinion, I just think we have placed them in various categories IE: The poor, disabled, single parents, mentally challenged. And we have yet to look at what we can do for them. We look at them as having "Special Programs" But we never see what we can do. Jesus is in those people.

"The least you have done unto these my brethren, you have done it unto me" -Matthew 25:45-

Comfortablility is not part of what Christ has called us to. He did not call us to do what was right as long as it felt okay, as long as we are comfortable in our little worlds, NO Christ called us to go outside the comfort zone to be better than what the world is. To be other than what we have been called; hypocrites, liars, Sunday Christians, ect... We can be more! Why have we placed the standard so low. We should not be placing the standard at what we can do within comfortability, but rather to look at what Christ did and place the standard there. He went to the liars, the prostitutes, the tax collectors, the sinful! And we are uncomfortable being with those people, we don't like being associated with those who are "unclean" those who have "bad reputations", we don't like being "tainted". In that sense we are in fact ignoring Christ. What are you going to do about it?

Remove your sandals...

2007-01-30T11:48:00.000-08:00

"Take off your sandals for the place where you are standing is Holy Ground." -God to Moses-

The bottom of your feet are considered the most vulnerable part of your body and the dirtiest. Sandals were pretty popular in the day of Moses...considering.... And so your feet were considered dirty, unclean and pretty disgusting. But to think that God over looked that just to be close to the most vulnerable part of Moses.

And then when Jesus took his disciple's feet and washed them, they could do nothing but let him. He wanted to be close to the most vulnerable part of them, the part of the body we are often the most self conscience about. He washed off the dirt and guck of the day and loved them in the one way that got through to them the quickest.

When people touch my feet, wash them, massage them, whatever, I tend to look on them with new a love that I had not put them in before. Not that I love them more because they get up the guts to touch my feet, but its a challenge for a lot of people. Infact, for a few friends of mine, they hate feet and wouldn't be able to to even look at someone else's feet. It is just simply not in their field of things to do. Its the act of touching the most vulnerable external part of me that inadvertently touches my heart and pulls out a love I have never known for the person. The act of washing someone else's feet has been the greatest blessing I have ever experienced. The state of humbleness you place yourself in is like nothing I have ever felt. The act of serving someone else in a way they least expect is food for the soul.

I would challenge you to remove your "sandals" next time you are worshiping. It puts you in a completely different state of mind.A mind full of: Clarity. Devotion. Exposure. Love. Vulnerability. To God and God alone! My spirit soars every time I do it in chapel and it has become a new way to connect with God. You'd be amazed.

Christmas Letter 2006

2007-01-30T10:59:00.000-08:00

This holiday season brings with it the first ever Christmas letter I have written. This year has been a great blessing among blessings and I am so happy with the direction in which my life is going and all the things I have been able to experience this year.

I started off the year here in Portland, I returned for second semester, still stressed about finding enough funds to return in the spring and again in the fall. Due to all the stress and as I was still struggling to keep up with the pace of college I had a horrible academic year. The school year closed at the end of April and I made set for plans to go to Germany for six weeks. I also made plans to stay over the summer with the family I had been living with on the weekends all semester, Mike and Debby Thomas and their son Eric. They attend the same church I do and they are amazing people! If there were more people in the world like them, I think it’d be a better place. So my stuff from my dorm went into the garage and things I would need went into the guest bedroom.

I left for Chemnitz, Germany May 9th for six weeks with an organization called “Let’s Start Talking” (LST) and my two team-mates and I stayed with the seven missionaries there. We met with people in the community to help them better their English and conversation skills every week. I met with 7 people, the oldest being 65 and the youngest being 8 years old. The German culture is wonderful and I can’t imagine having spent my first LST experience anywhere else. I was privileged to be able to celebrate my birthday during our Wrap-up weekend; the German people were so giving in their gifts and their thoughtfulness. Many of them gave me the “birthday blessing” and lots of chocolate. I am really hoping to return this next summer; I miss it all so much!

I returned from Germany June 21st and was able to relax for about a week before I packed my bags and headed to Camp Yamhill, about an hour’s drive or so from where I live for the 5th and 6th grade camp there. I was a counselor for cabin 6 for the week. I had the most amazing girls in my cabin and all of the kids I hung out with taught me amazing things about my faith and what I believe in their discussions and realizations as we talked. Not to mention we had a whole lot of fun! It was a great way to make the transition coming back from Germany.

I returned from Camp, put my clothes in the washer and that’s about it before I was moved to the downstairs bedroom where I would be living for this year. I had made plans before I left for Yamhill to stay in Oregon for the school year if I couldn’t go back to school. I’d get a job and work until I could afford to go back. So when the Thomas’ son, Eric moved out, I took over his bedroom downstairs. I spent the next two-three days “girl-ifying” it.

I packed yet another bag to go hiking at Mt Rainier for 3 days with one of my teachers, the preacher at my church and the advisor of my club Brian Simmons, two of the younger people at church Andrew and Joshua, a friend from the care group I’m a part of at church, Josha, a friend of ours, Ron, Our fearless leader Mike Thomas and his brother, Pat. It was so beautiful… that’s really the only way to describe it. We returned and I repacked my bags out and headed to Washington for 2 days to see my sister before she left for Alaska.

I got back and headed over to house sit for a family that both work at my school and go to my church. I house sat and babysat their Dog, Shadow for six days.

I then left by red-eye flight to Wisconsin for a family reunion. I got to Wisconsin and slept for several hours due to jet-lag and not sleeping at all the night before. I made arrangements to see many people I had not seen in a long time, and I got to meet my younger sister, Rachel, for the first time ever. She’s a year younger than me and as wild and crazy as I am. I saw a lot of my family who I have missed terribly and enjoyed spending a night at my cousin’s with her sister, my sister and a grocery bag full of junk food. The five days I spent there was amazing and I learned a lot about things I had assumed and a lot about myself and the person I have become. The flight coming home was not all that great however. I was supposed to be on a plane going to Minnesota from Wisconsin and then to Portland from Minnesota with a five hour layover. I was 2 minutes late and the lady wouldn’t let me on the plane so I had to catch a different plane, it would leave Wisconsin, go to Atlanta, Georgia and from there to Portland, I’d have a two hour layover, but I’d arrive in Portland 20 minutes later. So I went, long story short, I had to spend the night in the airport in Atlanta and wait for morning when I could catch a flight to Portland. I hated it… but next time I’ll be prepared.

I got back to Portland, rested for a day or two and set to work… quite literately. The freshman dorms here at school were renovated over the summer so I worked for 2-3 weeks to help in the finishing touches of that process. During those 2-3 weeks I worked with our financial aid guy and we got creative and I found more funds to stay in school this year. I worked with our security guy and arranged to live off campus ($6,000 cheaper). It was a great blessing!
School started up again on September 21st. This semester has gone far better than last year around the same time, so I am excited about the progress I have made. This semester ends the 15th of December, and on the 17th I will head to Washington for two weeks to spend Christmas with my mom and sister and step-dad. I will return the 30th and my friend, Leah, will come back with me and will spend New Year’s with me here in Portland. Another blessing of the year is that it has come to be that financial blessings have arrived to allow me to stay through this next semester and be eligible to attend through next year as well. It is sooo exciting! This year has been blessed and I am so excited!

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and a happy New Year!

Much Love,

Natasha

A Year of Reflection...

2007-01-30T10:57:00.000-08:00

"Grace is getting something you don't deserve, Mercy is not getting something you do deserve." -Herrell-

So I sit here, a year after my appearance on this campus called Cascade College and thinking back so much has Changed.... including me. And I don't know what to think except..... I am blessed. God has smiled on me and I don't deserve it. I live for God and for him alone, but I cannot comprehend how God in his all his wonders could love me so much to love me with such Mercy and Grace. To shower me with love I see around me everyday. To feel his touch in every hand I clasp, in every hug I accept, in every tear I wipe away from another's eye. I have wronged him, I have cursed him, I have worshipped other gods before him... and he in his divine wisdom set his anger and jealousy aside and chose to bless me instead of pour his wrath upon me. And I don't deserve it.

"I've never tried to block out the memories of the past, even though some are painful. I don't understand people who hide from their past. Everything you live through helps to make you the person you are now." -Sophia Loren-

I remember one particular instance a year ago when I came to portland to visit this place I call home, Cascade College, and as I sat in on a certain COMM II class with a certain Communications Professor and Lambda Advisor, I was asked to stand up. And as he and I bantered back and fourth proving that I competed in the male world of hierarchy (don't ask) he proceeded to tell me that I would probably remain single because guys don't like it when girls compete in their world of heirarchy. And as I stood there, turning bright red and arguing my point I felt completely at home. And when I returned home to Washington to tell my mom of this wonderful place I had found I could not believe that I was so passionate to go. But I went.... home.

"Do not mix de galloping of your horse, my knight, with the beating of your heart" -Old Chineese Proverb-

A year later I look back and see a psychotic high school girl changed into someone I could've never dreamed of being. And as I look back at how I have changed and all the things that helped form who I am and all that I'm about I am so thankful. And in this one blessing that I desired so greatly so many more poured out and I am overwhelmed with God's love. I found a church I love and in that church is the body of Christ, my brothers and sisters whom I can lean on always. I found the most amazing family, one who blesses me each day with their love. Who shows me God in ways my heart has never seen him and it desires to see so much more. I have found friends I could never replace. They open my eyes to the world and all is magnificence, all that God has created, no matter how small or how big. They show me constant devotion, and they show me their intimate life with God and it makes me all the more hungry to seek him out. My place of refuge, in my opinion, I am in the shadow of God's wings, in the city of Portland. Life is so wonderful. I could not ask for more. nor could I have ever dreamed of what He would bless me with. I am excited to be who I am and excited to see who I will be.

So as I sit watching the new pledgies for 2006 give their public announcement I am excited. They are so thrilled and stoked to be part of a club and I am am stoked to see what God will do in their lives because of this choice. My choice to pledge last year has never been looked on with regret. I am proud to have my sisters and to know that they can call on me for whatever they need. I love them so much!!! And I am xcited to see what God will do. Life is good and we are blessed!

"If anyone speaks, he should speak as one speaking the very words of God, if anyone serves, he should serve through the strength that God provides. That in all things God may be glorified through Christ Jesus. To hi be the power and the glory forever and ever, Amen." -1 Peter 4:11-
God is soooo good and He has Smiled on Portland, OR!!!!

Living at the End of the Spear...

2007-01-30T10:47:00.000-08:00

Many of you have seen such a movie and some have hated it and many have liked it. Personally I LOVE it!!! Its a prime example of what Christian living is all about.

For those who ahven't seen it tis a movie about a tribe who kills some missionaries trying to make contact with them. One of the Missionary's family goes into the tribe and lives with them teaching them the way of God. In this Tribe's tradition, it is custom to expect that the family of a person you have speared to spear you back for your injustice. So the son has this right. At the end of the movie he puts aside his right to spear his father's killer for what his father was fighting for. The last thing he says is, "No one took my father's life, he gave it up" and it speaks volumes about what we can do if we weren't scared to fight for what we wanted as Christians.

"Write the bad things that happen to you in the sand, write the good things that are done to you on a piece of marble" -Arabic Proverb-

I can't, however, imagine meeting someone who didn't want revenge for a wrong done to them. Many people become bitter, selfish people. Cold and dormant inside.... I couldn't imagine being that way. Not when I know how forgiveness fills your soul up with a life like you have never known.Its not that I forget the wrong done to me, its that in forgiveness and through time, God has made it easier to bear. I don't imagine I will ever forget, for it has formed my character and all I am. It has formed my life in such a way that my children will never know such paina dn sadness. The depth of agony that reaches through your heart and strips your soul bare. And I pray I will never know that again. Everyone needs to go through just enough pain to make them appreciate. Perhaps that is why we do not live in a utopian society. Pain is essential to life, for without it, how would you idenitify goodness when it came your way? How would you be humble instead of proud? you wouldn't.

End of the Spear is an awesome story of two men who find God in a way I will never know. Its a true story with amazing lines that make you think of life differently. "We can't shoot the waodoni (tribe), they arn't ready for heaven, we (missionaries) are." -Boy's Father- "My father lost his life at the end of the spear, and that is where Meacaoni (chief) and I (boy 'Steve') found ours" -Steve-

I find that in different lights I am understanding more and more the love of Christ. His Passion for us. The undying devotion he had for us and unconditional love to set us free, even though it meant death.

Many movies have come out about this very topic: End of the Spear, Chronicles of Narnia, Passion, ect... And in different ways they all say the same thing if you look deeper than just the story, distraction for little kids, and 2 hour entertainment they provide after dinner. I am loving that more and more Christ's love is shining through into things we have long enjoyed; movies, books, radio, ect... life is good.

I would like to think I would be the bigger person if it were me in the movie instead of the little boy, Steve. That I too would choose to be an example of my father's work instead of taking it upon myself to judge person instead of letting God do that. God's love is sufficient. As it well should be. And thats what its all about.... not the hokie pokie. (lol).... But really. Christ said go into all nations, that did not mean into safe places, into churches, into your friend's houses. No... that meant into persecution, death, suffering, danger, allowing God's love to be sufficient enough to allow you to stand your ground for him. It should not be something you feel forced into doing for that would be wrong, but because you love Christ so much, it should be something you WANT to do.

"Love is suffiecient unto love" -Shakespeare-

Do you live at the End of the Spear.... or at the handle of it?

"A loving person lives in a loving world, a hostile person lives in a hostile world. Everyone you meet is your mirror." -Unknown-

Friday.... the day after a holiday

2006-05-26T11:44:00.000-07:00

I went with Spencer this morning to meet our readers... they come together. Spencer's showed up but mine was sick from drinking yesterday during the holiday. We went back to Karens and cooked breakfast for everyone and then Nichol and I had readers at 1 so we went and and met with them. They're students from Karen's school so they want us to help them practice their english for an oral test they have in two weeks. Nichol and Spencer had readers at 4 so i went with and stayed until my reader got there. Nichol adn Spencer left to go cook dinner and I met with my other favorite reader, Ursula (Ew- sula) .... her english is VERY broken and limited and she is the sweetest lady. We went through many words she has learned but forgotten how to pronounce or heard but can't quite grasp how to pronounce them. It was fun. I enjoy her so much! Nichol made dinner and it was GREAT!!!!

Thursday....just busy....

2006-05-26T11:40:00.000-07:00

I got up with Nichol and we met our readers at the church building at 10... Sven is very advanced so we're going through a discussion workbook that Clint gave me. Sven can read wonderfully and we zip through the Luke book so we're working on conversational skills. We were supposed to have readers at 1 but we got ditched. Nichol and Spencer ahd other readers adn I had to meet with Helena at 4. She wasn't home when I got there but her mother asked me to return at 6 so I did. We worked on her numbers in English by playing another game and then her mom invited me to dinner so I stayed. After dinner I got backa dn we were all finished with readers. It was really a great night!

Wednesday.... My Party

2006-05-26T11:33:00.000-07:00

We woke up early and Spencer and I headed to the Church to meet with our readers. Kerstin is my first reader of every week at 10 and she always makes me smile, shes great at reading english, but speaking it shes a little unsure of herself and stubbles over trying to explain things, we always make it through some great converstation and at least two or three lessons before we finish our time for the day. Spencer ahd another reader at 11 before we left the church building. Nichola dn Spencer had readers throughout the day adn I returned with Spencer for his last reader at 4. I decorated the church building for my party "Camp Out" and prepared everything to be ready at 7 for when I finished with my reader, Sabine who meets me for an hour at 6. She is one of my favorite readers. She struggled at first with the idea of meeting with me because I was so much younger than her but we worked through it. THe party went great, we had a game, singing, a story around our crepe paper camp fire and then Smores.... the Smores were a big hit!!! Everyone loved them!!! No one liked the "plastic tasting american chocolate" though. no biggie. and then we all got to go home after the clean up.

Tuesday.... Our First Real Day off....

2006-05-26T11:31:00.000-07:00

We enjoyed the day together... seens how it was our first REAL day off since we got here. Mainly stayed at the house, I went on a walk with Courtney after swimming plans were cancelled.

Monday....

2006-05-22T07:47:00.000-07:00

We had to get up at 7 so we could be ready and leave by 8 to go to Pam's school and talk with her students. Ed drove us there. We broke up into three groups, like always, and they asked us many questions. I was super excited, they were great. They are older, all of them are teachers at various schools in Chemnitz that teach special education and they were really excited to have us there. We finished and one of them invited us to an opera on June 1st in downtown Chemnitz. We talked about it and decided we wanted to go. Its going to cost only 7 euro. We're super excited to go. After getting back to Karen's we ate and Clint came and got us to take us to Karen's school again for the last class she teaches. We got into groups, talked with them, told them about Lets Start Talking and left with Karen.

Sunday finally came...

2006-05-22T04:06:00.000-07:00

Nichol and i had fun picking out what to wear and switching clothes for church. We finished getting ready and headed out the door. We all piled into the van and headed to church with Karen driving this time. Pam and Larry are still in Greece for their anniversary. We got to church and greeted everyone and had Bible class. After Church we talked a bit with everyone and left for the house. Later that night we played Sport, Sport is what they call the get together they have everyother Sunday with the people from church. We go to a local gym and play games, this time we played Volleyball and some basketball. We had a small devo and then each to his own destination.

Saturday...

2006-05-22T03:42:00.000-07:00

Saturday morning I woke up around 9:40 and got dressed to meet with one of my readers next door. She's a cute little girl and her english isn't advanced enough to read Luke and understand it so we do other things Karen has been working with her on. This time around we played "Guess Who". We played for a while and then talked about Friday how her class went swimming. After we were finished we played with her kittens a little while and then I went back to Karen's.

Friday... morning?

2006-05-22T03:28:00.000-07:00

Friday morning rolled around at a bright 7:30am and we got ready to leave with Karen to go to another class at her school with another teacher. We got there and the class was small and composed entirely of girls, it was pretty funny. They asked us questions as the classes before had and we asked some back, then to get a bit more information out of them we split into three groups and traded questions that way. They had a lot of great questions and they were surprised at a lot of my answers, the differences I've noticed between Germany and the States. We were at the school until around 10:50am and then we got a ride with Karen. At about 3:30 we headed to the church building because we had readers coming. We got there and Nichol took her reader in the back room, Spencer met with his in the Kitchen and I took mine into the main sanctuary in the church building. We had dinner around 5:10 and then at 5:40 my other reader came and it was awesome! She and I had a great reading session and I was super excited to have her schedule another session considering how tough the first one was. Her English is very broken and limited but we got through the lesson and came to understandings. It was a great meeting. We hopped the bus back to the house around 6:20.

Thursday....Laundry Day!!!!

2006-05-18T07:42:00.000-07:00

I got up this morning with Spencer and headed to the church building at 8:30am. I planned to meet with my reader in the Kitchen. At about 9:50, Sven showed up for his reading, we zipped right through the first two lessons, he's excellent at reading English, its his conversation skills that he wanted to work on so we're going to go through a book discussing it all the way through so he gets practice in his conversation skills. Around 2:00 Spencer and Nichol left for the Church building to meet with their readers. After a while I started laundry and was excited that I had done it right. There are no dryers here at the house I'm staying at, they cost too much so air dry is the only form of drying.

Wednesday... A first working day...

2006-05-18T06:23:00.000-07:00

We woke up at 8:30 again, I had a reader at 9 and so did Nichol so we needed to be at the church building pretty quick. We caught the 8:46 bus down to the church building and unlocked everything, Kerstin, my first reader, showed up. We went in the back room and went over the first two lessons because she zoomed through the first one. After we went through the lessons she asked questions and I asked questions, She got the seed thoughts for the first two lessons so I was super excited! We finished our reading and we talked because another focus of LST is to have the people we work with practice their conversation skills in English. We talked about her family, what she does, my family, what I do, this being my first trip outside the United States, it was a great conversation. We agreed to meet up next week and she left with a handshake and a good-bye. Spencer's Reader showed up next and so he took over the back room after I vacated it and I sat in the kitchen with Nichol and ate some breakfast while we waited. We all had a reader at 4 and then Nichol and I had another one at 6. My 4:00 reader didn't show up and so while Spencer met in the kitchen with his reader, Clint met with a reader in the main building and Nichol had the back room. My 6:00 reader showed up really early at 5:30. So we went in the back room and began just as I had that morning. Only this one, Sabine (sa-bean-a) didn't speak english as well as the one that morning so we went a little slower and over the first lesson twice before we moved on to the questions for the lesson and the seed thoughts. After our reading she left and I went to go help out with the LST party. It was board game night, Nichol's party, so we went into the main building, played a few icebreaker games and then broke into two teams for a game similair to Family Feud. After three rounds of that we broke into tables where we played board games or card games for the rest of the time. We left the church building around 9:15ish and headed back to the house.

Tuesday Rolls Around Again....

2006-05-18T05:03:00.000-07:00

Tuesday Morning we woke up and had another devo from Spencer. Afterwhich we prayed . that was pretty much it for the day since we don't have our first readers until Wednesday.....

A Bright Monday...

2006-05-18T04:34:00.000-07:00

Monday Morning we get up at a bright 8:00am and we are all pretty tired. We get dressed and head over to the living room, Spencer came over and we had a devo time together and then we all got set to leave to be at Karen's school again for a different class of hers. We caught the bus, looked for the buildings Karen told us to look for and got off. We walked a ways back to the school, met her in the "lobby" part of the school where she was joined by one of her students we had met on Friday. We sat in groups in the classes and they asked us questions to practice their English and then we finished and they left. Another teacher came and asked us what days we might have available to come and talk to his class in English as well. We agreed for Friday. We got on the bus to head home, talked about possibilities for grocery shopping and Karen agreed it would be after she met with one of her readers. We grabbed lunch from one of the many vendors, got to the house and ate. Karen called us all to leave when she was done so we could go shopping. We went to a store called "Lidl" to get what we wanted. We packed everything into the car and as I put the last thing in I hit my head on a corner of the trunk, right on the temple and got an instantaneous headache. We dropped some stuff off at the church building on our way back to the house, brought other stuff back from the church building and put it all away.

Our First Sunday in Chemnitz...

2006-05-17T05:02:00.000-07:00

Sunday morning was quite interesting, we piled into the big red van and Pam drove us to the church buliding, we got there and walked in and almost everyone knew who we were, all of them greeted us with warm welcomes and firm hand shakes. We went in and sat down in the chairs that were arranged like pews and then had a short meeting about what events were coming up, The Sullivan's were leaving to Greece for their 25th wedding anniversary and then the fact that we were here and helping people practice their English and Friends Camp happening in June on the 9th through the 11th then church started, the kids came in from Bible class and we visited a bit before we began singing. We sang several songs in German and then Larry handed us an outline of his sermon in English so we would understand, he spoke about Mother's Day and what Mother's mean and how they are an image of God and how highly they are spoken of in the Bible and how little they have come to be respected now-a-days in our societies. It was an amazing Sermon. He ended with a joke he didn't have on the outline that we had to have Clint interpret for us:

A little girl was walking with her mom and she picked up something from the ground and was about to put it in her mouth when her mother stopped her and said that it was dirty and that she shouldn't eat it. The little girl debated with her mom a little bit and then noticing she was right decided to admit her mother was right,
"How do you know everything, Mommy?" She asked
Her mother thinking quickly told her, "Mommy's have to take a test and they have to pass it in order to become a mommy."
"OH!!!!" she sighed, she sat and thought about it moment and then said, "So then if you fail then thats when you become a daddy, huh?"

We laughed like 20 minutes after everyone else did, it was pretty funny to watch everyone turn around and looka t us like we were stupid because we JUST understood why they had cracked up. We wrapped up and prayed and then sang "Shine Jesus Shine" so while everyone else sang in German we sang in English, the meshing of the two languages sounded beautiful. I stopped and listened a couple times, it sounded wonderful!!! After church we greeted everyone again, its polite here to greet/ say good bye to EVERYONE before you leave. We then left to go to a restaraunt that has become tradiation for them to eat at on Mother's Day. Pam Sulllivan being the only mother in the group we celebrated with her. So we all piled in the van and headed to the restaraunt. Nichol, Courtney and I sat in the first row in the back seat and CLint, April and Spencer sat in the second row behind us. Pam drove and Karen rode shotgun. Larry drove their car with Chris, their son, Ed, and another guy from church, Joseph. We drove the same way we had come into chemnitz and out of no where Karen screams "PAM!!!" and Pam slams on her brakes, everyone was stopping to watch a parade of motorcyclists drive by. Not the most interesting thing in the world but, whatever.... They had cops leading the way and following behind as well. We were stopped for a good 20-25 minutes waiting for them to finish passing on the OTHER side of the rode. Yes, they were going in the oppposite direction and WE were stopped. I don't understand it wither.... don't ask. We finally got to go and we get to the restaraunt and sat in a very nice room, low lights and wonderful company. We were the only ones in there for a long time before they got busy. We all talked and then ate and talked some more. I had the German Version of Chicken Cordon Bleu, the difference being that instead of chicken they use ham, and here they call it Schnitzzel Breü miester. It was VERY good. I loved it. Pam was excited because Chris came. I got to talk to Joseph and that was fun, he's here for 7 months for training for his job back in the states. Dunno how that works out but sure... We all got talking about a lot of things. We asked some questions like Nichol wanted to know if when Courtney and Ed talked to people if they thought in German or in English and We asked Clint to make some sound effects and Chris was pretty quiet about everything, never really saying anything.Then we started having a cmaera war and playing with everyone's camera and getting pictures of who ever we could. I got Ed and Courtney (above left) and Clint and April (right) Joseph (above right), Chris Pam and Larry (above left) and a few other random ones that arn't included in this blog. And then Spencer made a bat out of his napkin, that was fun, and clint tried to eat it, I tried stabbing it with my pen and no one else really cared.... really random story I thought I would share. After we finished we waited for the checks and then headed out. Leaving the cute little restaraunt to other customers. We went back to the house and sat around for the rest of the day watching movies like Braveheart, Friends Season 1 and 2, Mr Deeds, Madagascar, and other random movies. In between movies I blogged some more to try to catch up to the present day but only got one done. After that we all ordered pizza for dinner and had our own pizza while watching Hitch with Karen. After the movie Karen got tired and went to bed so did I and Spencer and Nichol stayed up and watched more movies. After a little while I got up to apologize for having a bad attitude and tried explaining I was a little homesick and ended up watching Pirates of the Carribean with them until Spencer left and Nichol fell asleep. I turned the movie off and headed to bed with Nichol trailing behind me half asleep. We went to bed and that is the end of our Sunday.

Much more to come.... I have to catch up.
Miss you, Love you.

Tasha-Bug~~

The Weekend begins with Saturday....

2006-05-16T11:27:00.000-07:00

We woke up around 9-9:30 I had a reader next door I had to meet with, a little girl named Helena and Nichol wasn't sure if she was going with me or Spencer. She looked for Spencer for about 15 minutes before deciding to join me. We walked next door and while ringing the door bell an orange cat came up and started meowing at us, we tried to shoo it away but it kept meowing. We ignored it and Helena's mom, Cathrine (Cat-rin) met us at the door and showed us to their apartment. We went into Helena's room to set our stuff down and Helena showed us her kittens. 4 black kittens, one of them being the runt, very small and thin. Nichol and I traded hopes that it would live. We held them for a while and then Helena pulled us into their living room where there were 3 other kittens a bit bigger than the ones in her room, 2 orange and one black and they were nursing from the orange cat we had tried to shoo from the door. They were adorable. (Any ideas on how to bring a cat back to the United States....let me know.) We were headed back to the room when someone started knocking on the door, Catherine opened it and there was a woman and a friend of Helena's, Lydia. She came in and the woman, her mother I'm guessing left. So Lydia sat down with us at the table in Helena's room and we all read from some Kindergarden books that Pam had and we played some memory games that Karen had been working with her on. Apparently Karen reads with her and Helena hasn't been coming for the last couple weeks so she had to remember how to play the games. It was interesting. We finished and said our good-byes to Helena, Lydia and Helena's Dad who must have come in while we were playing. We went back to the house and had some breakfast with Karen and listened to some rules about the house that we were unaware of and things that we were doing that was bothering Karen. I was waiting for 8am Portland time to roll around so I could call my parents and when I had buried my self under my new blanket and fallen asleep Karen woke me and Nichol up and I freaked out after I looked at my watch and seeing it was 10:30, I jumped out of bed repeating, No, no, no, no while walking PAST Karen not realizing it was her and into the living room where Spencer had just woken up and was talking to a woman from the English Bible Study the night before. I walked back calling for Karen and she was still standing in the doorway. I asked her if I could use the phone with the phone number we use to call the States super cheap. She handed me the phone and I sat there a second realizing I didn't know the number by heart so I walked in and booted my phone up so I could get the number. Called the house and my Mom picked up, she was on her way out to the Mother-Daughter Banquet at church that was going on that day. We talked for a bit and apparently no one else was home for me to talk to so I said my good bye and hung up. I sat there a bit a little confused on what exactly had happened. Nichol had gone back to sleep so I woke her up and we got up to go to Clint and April's for dinner. We got there and we sat around to wait while April finished making it and watched a movie about a rock band that Clint likes and had shown to Spencer. The night before they ahd gone to Clint and April's and had seen it and I didn't even know about it. Mind you I only listen to Christian, some Country and very little Pop. So we watched that for a while and then dinner came out, we prayed and ate. It was salad with chicken in it, chips/bugels, and whatever drink we each had. We all finished and talked a bit and then decided it would be fun to play Apples to Apples Jr. (word relation game) So I ran down and grabbed it from Karen's house and we played to 7 and then decided to quit. Then I decided to go take a shower before i went to bed, so I left and came back to Karen's, finished a blog and by the time they got back I was JUST getting in the shower and then I cleaned up a bit, Nichol and I played with our cameras a bit, charged my batteies for the next day and then I went to bed while Spencer and Nichol stayed up and watched another movie.

The end of Saturday...

Loves.
Tasha Bug

Day Four... Friday Already???.....

2006-05-16T07:17:00.000-07:00

We woke up the next morning ready for the day at a bright 9 am. We had plans to be at Karen's school at close to 10 for one of her classes. So we got up got ready, Clint picked us up in his car to drive us down to the school because Karen was afraid we would get lost on the bus still being jet lagged and everything. So we collected our things, jumped in tha car and headed off to the school. We got there and it looks like any normal school from the outside, but form the inside it looks like a bunch of rich people own it. TV screens everywhere pulling up ads and class schedules. Really random. On the second floor there is a cafeteria.... very nice. So we met up with Karen and Clint walked up with us to the classroom and we got the class organized into three groups. They had questions they were going to ask us in English so they could practice for a test they had later the following week. So we sat in groups and they asked us questions, then we switched groups twice so we could all sit with a different group. After we were finished with them asking us questions then they gave us a tour of the school. There are 5 levels, 2 below ground and three above ground. They finished, we went back to the classroom and we got their picture and then we left with Clint. Then Clint and April wanted to take us to go get bus books and maps and tickets so we all went in their little car to the mall again. We went and got the bus maps and directions and schedules and then we left because April had to be at a reading appointment at 2. We got back to the house were invited over to the Sullivan's to grill with them. Larry and Ed did most of the grilling then when we came over Clint took over helping with the grill and Ed started talking to us. Courtney and April set the table while Pam finished up some work from school she had to prepare for her class the next week so we waited and watched as Snickers (their dog) roamed around looking for dropped food anywhere she deemed fit. So we went over, set the table and had dinner. We had some interesting food I have never had before and don't even know the name of.

Day Three...First Journey around Chemnitz

2006-05-14T23:39:00.000-07:00

We woke up the next morning... Thursday to meet up with Ed Cantrell and his wife, Courtney; Clint Everhart and his wife, April for breakfast; and we were surprised to find Larry Sullivan there as well. It was a meeting to discuss what we should/should not do/keep in mind. After we had finished talking about the serious stuff. We also talked about the fact that we had no readers until Wednesday, we'd go around Chemnitz for the first few days. While we waited the team adn Larry agreed we wanted to go to the store. And we headed out .... right across the street. There's the bank and the store right next to eachother, not being able to read German, this came as a shocker to me. We all helped Larry carry his groceries back to his house and talked a bit before heading back over. So we went to go find the bus stop and get bus passes and head to the church building. The machines to get your bus bass out of are identical to the little stands for the max in Portland, and there's a street car here too that we can ride on... it IS identical to the Max. So we got our bus passes and headed down to the church building. Now a similarity that I have noticed about all church of Christ buildings is that they all look (from the inside) like upside down boats. It never fails to amuse me. So we get to the bus stop for the church building and we have to walk back like half a block and its this cute little cube of a box, bright yellow. Its a beautiful church for being so small and its rectangular... not an upside down boat. I fell in love with the church as soon as I saw it. Maybe it was the bright yellow.... maybe it was its cute little size, one way or another, I love it. The name on the front of the building says "Gemeinde Christi" which literally translated means "The Fellowship of Christ" AKA: The Church of Christ. We got to wander around and see the rennovated bathrooms, they used to have an indoor outhouse, and the new modern kitchen, the kid's bible class room, and just basically the outside. Its a cute little church and the size makes you appreciate the States where there is seperation of Church and State. Here in Germany there is no seperation of church and state, the state church is Luthren here in Chemnitz, in Dresden the State church is Catholic. For those who are unaware, if there is a state church and a tax is taken out of your salary and the government supports that church with that tax. We obviously had never heard of such a thing being an American and knowing nothing but Seperation of Church and State, Gemeinde Christi supports maybe 15-20 people. It is a very small church, but I'm told, full of love and a desire for God. So we finished the tour of the building and got ready to leave. We caught the bus where we had gotten off and took it to the end of its run where it met up with a street car (AKA Max for you Portlanders). We rode the street car to the mall/downtown area and wandered around for a while. We saw the market place where they sell just about anything; flowers, food, books, anything. We saw the mall and walked around a bit. We walked around a bit and thought about grabbing some food to go. We walked outside and went wandering and we saw an old Luthren church that was bombed during world war II. It was beautiful inside. I loved it!! You could tell where the bombing had taken place, the ceiling was mad eof wood where the building had been bombed verses stone where they had saved it. After we finished with that Nichol adn I headed back to Karen's and went to bed. We were both really tired and I was really cold, just ready for sleep.

Day Two??? Still Traveling...

2006-05-13T13:27:00.000-07:00

So we land in Frankfurt at the airport in the middle of the taxi area where the planes move around to meet a gate or go to the take off strip....(in the US) and this giant stairwell comes to the door and we begin getting off the can of sardines we were in. At the bottom of the stairs were a lot of people and 4 bus shuttle thingies to take us to our baggage claim area thing. We waiting quite a bit for the bus to start moving and when it finally did we went around in what seemed like a zillion circles. And we landed in front of two sets of double doors where people were craming into the small room in front of us. We followed and looked for our flight number and everything, couldn't find it so we followed the mass crowd upstairs on the escalators. And began looking for the gate number on our tickets, gate A10. We got around in what seems like a phycotic's dream of a maze. We finally hit customs and they checked our passports, Nichol was the first one through and he asked her why she was going into Germany and she said something about mission work and he stamped her passport and let her go, Spencer went through second and he asked him if he was with Nichol, Spencer nodded and he got stamped and went through, I was last and he didn't even look at me, just stamped my passport and let me go. We followed these mega crazy signs trying to find the gate and it was seriously the worst version of a maze I have ever been in. We went up and down and all around and my bag got really heavy, we had to stop because Nichol wanted to check her bag and make sure she hadn't lost anything, she left something on the plane but we assured her we'd replace it in Chemnitz when we got there. We turned a corner and ended up on this really weird hallway with a moving walkway thing. It was weird and the colors on the walls changed and it was seriously something out of the twilight zone or something.... really wierd, we all got a great laugh out of it. As we finally found the section for our gate we were walking down the terminal to get to it to check on our flight before we sat down and I looked to my left and there were a group of people smoking in the airport.... DUDE!!! I just about had a cow right there.... there are smoking sections IN the airport. and cigarette machines EVERYWHERE. It was REALLY weird. I didn't know people here smoked so much! And apparently drinking is a big thing too.... there is more alcohol in the stores than any other kind of drink, its just a big shocker to go form a country where just about the only place you can buy alcohol besides at major stores is a liquor store to a country where teenagers can buy alcohol in every store in the airport. It was definatly different and something I just had to look away from so it could download in my brain where I was and that it wasn't against the law here. We found our gate and sat down to rest. Nichol was discouraged because she had lost her item on the plane and so we had a small devo to encourage us and just level us out on what we were about to do for 6 weeks. We ate some more of the snacks I had brought, I went and found water for us to drink, Evion being the only name I recognized and trying to avoid repeating Spencer's episode on the plane with the carbonated water, I bought that. Airports in other countries are no different than the US, they're all seriously expensive. We drank the water, sat together, decided that since we had a few hours to walk around and just sit we could handle being a little curious and we went exploring around the airport. We found postcards and I bought one to remember the lovely experience of the airport and another to send my parents. We looked in all the stores and ended up going all the way down to the other end from our gate and around the corner to find food cart stands and other funny lame things to do. Like those card board cut outs where you can stick your face in with the card board being someone/something else. They were flight attendants and being the lame tired people we were we stuck our heads in them and took pictures. We walked back and we stopped at a food cart thingie and I got a pretzel, some carbonated apple juice that Nichol had suggested, and a twix. The pretzel was hard as a rock, I didn't like the apple juice and so I stuck with the water I had previously bought and saved the twix as I continued munching on the pretzel for the soul purpose that I was hungry. We meandered our way back to the gate to wait another two hours and munch on goodies from my snack stash. We sat at our gate doing nothing really but sitting. I took a couple pictures, but i had gone horseback riding on Monday before I had left and so I was hurting a lot.
Note to future travelers.... don't go horse back riding before a long trip on a plane or any other form of transportation. Spencer fell asleep leaning on the cart he had gotten when we were walking around the airport terminal and I laid downa nd was talking to Nichol on another set of chairs and apparently I fell asleep too. She woke me up to tell me my name had been called by the counter people. So I walked up there completely confused I had been moved form a window seat to a middle seat, this happens due to the airline changing planes sometimes. I grabbed my new ticket and shuffled back to where Nichol and Spencer were. We returned the carts and the plane started boarding. We were so tired that we didn't care to ask the man sitting next to Spencer and I if he would trade Nichol. We all had plans to sleep through the whole plane ride. I stayed awake long enough to pop my ears during takeoff and I fell asleep until we were planning to land 45 minutes later. Spencer and Nichol had slept through the whole thing as well. Looking out the window Spencer was sitting next to I saw Dresden and it was beautiful, a very gorgeous green, not like "Oh look there's a tree.... its green" no like a deep RICH beautiful green I have never seen. The plane landed safely and we were let off like normal... on the little boarding walkway thingie. Spencer and I had gotten off first so we waited for Nichol and then headed down to baggage claim. We hefted our 4 bags off the conveyor belt and prepared to walk out. The security there was a bit weird, these little dudes in green uniforms (green is NOT their color) were standing at the exit sign, we had to run our bags through another X ray machine before we could leave the airport, whatever.... so we did and I turn around and see two other men standing at the last exit way looking at us curiosly and I knew they were Ed Cantrell and Clint Everhart there to pick us up and I sighed because I was going to sleep FINALLY in a normal bed!!! We passed through the exit way and they greeted us with hand shakes and introductions, they grabbed our bags and rolled them away for us. We talked about the flight as we made our way out into the beautiful sunshine of Wednesday afternoon. We loaded the little red van and drove away. We got on the freeway and headed towards Chemnitz. We all traded some questions as we drove to keep us awake and inform them of who we were and what we liked VS didn't like, ect... I loved the scenery and I'm apicture fanatic already anyway so I got some great shots of amazing things I have never seen, like an aquaduct that was over the freeway at one point, I got through the back window which would explain the horizontal lines running through the picture. I have also never seen the wind mills that produce power and energy to places so that was an oddity for me.... apparently they're everywhere out here and in California... Spencer and Nichol laughed at me when I took a picture of them. We were supposed to have to drive for like an hour but the freeways here don't have speed limits so we got to chemnitz in like 40 minutes. It reminds me a lot of Portland actually. Subtract the different country thing and the signs in a different language. We got to our "home away from home" set our stuff down, were told about one big cultural clue.... leave your shoes at the door. And then were set free to freshen up for the end meeting. Nichol and I set off to Karen's where we met Karen and were given instructions about how to use some things but not everything, we began unpacking a bit to find our clothes, our suitcases looked like they threw up. I changed, so did Nichol and Spencer and then we headed out to the hotel where we were hosting our end meeting. We got there, rearranged the chairs to make it suit our idea of what was going to happen during this meeting and took off. While we were waiting for people to come in we were talking with Ed and Nichol asked a question and Ed didn't know the answer and Spencer said something about asking what Chuck Norris would do and we kinda laughed because it was so random, but then he opened his button up shirt and there was a black shirt saying "What would Church Norris do?" We all laughed REALLY hard and everyone around us had no idea why. As people/readers came in they sat down where ever they wanted for the most part and we filled out the sheets we were supposed to for them and their contact information and at 7 the meeting began. We all stood at the front of the room and conducted the meeting. Spencer was our speaker and got nervous so after about two sentences began speaking really fast so we had to slow him downa few times but the people understood and we were able to go from there very smoothly. The groups all signed up with one of us three, we each have about 6 readers and have picked Wednesday to be our Party days. Every Wednesday at 7pm. Its started out so wonderfully. The missionaries all told us that they had never seen it done like that before and it went really smoothly and they liked it. They thought it went WELL. So we all walked back to the house where were staying and Larry and Pam Sullivan live in front and Spencer is staying there. In the "mother in law house" (I've heard it called that in the US) Is where Karen Neel lives and that is where Nichol and I are staying. We all congregated around the Sullivan's front door and were talking and Nichol adn I got cold so we went and changed into jeans unpacked a little bit more and then returned back outside, apparently everyone had agreed to go for Icecream down the street so we agreed to go too and we all mosied down the street to the little ice cream shop. It has SUPER good icecream. If you are ever in Germany I HIGHLY reccomend trying the icecream!!! We all moved to the back of the shop and sat down next to this super awesome well and talked about random things. I had never seen a well so I was intrigued by it immediatly and again was laughed at when I took a picture. We were warned about people in the area, I asked about the culture shock that the other missionaries had experienced and as we finished and it grew dark we all got up and went back to the Sulllivan's to talk around their door some more. As we walked past the apartment building in front of the Sullivan's house the Everhart's and Cantrell's left to go to their apartments and Larry, myself, Nichol and Spencer all continued on to our destinations.

Leaving For Germany

2006-05-12T12:44:00.000-07:00

We stopped at a bookstore to buy a German-English book and Spencer got some fake mustaches, just before security Jim gathered us up and asked my Dad, who was dropping me off to pray for us and he did. We got through Security and went to find our gate. We got there and Spencer and Nichol began playing with the fake mustaches, We grabbed our stuff and headed toward the plane. We got to the seats where Spencer and I were supposed to sit and we asked a lady if she would trade seats with Nichol, she aggreed and I sat in the furthest middle with spencer to my right in the second seat and Nichol on the isle, To my Left was a woman I had never seen before. Spencer and Nichol began making phone calls real quick before we took off and then began playing with the fake mustaches again and reading the German book Nichol had bought. Spencer, being the optomistic one of our group says, "With my luck a baby will cry the whole trip", I kid you not, not 5 seconds later a baby behind us starts screaming. It was hilarious, I laughed so hard. I shook my head and dove into my bag and passed out gum to pop our ears, Spencer began making Super Mario sounds as he made faces to match with his mustache on. We all got some pretty good laughs out of those. He really did look like Mario, we thought it was pretty funny. We took off and spent 10 hours in the air doing mostly random things to keep oursleves busy and distracted. Spencer's first act was to throw the comlimentary pillow at me and declare a pillow fight, I didn't react except an evil glare and he declared he won. Whatever.... weird. Then he pulled out his computer and paid the $26.95 for unlimited internet service through the whole 10 hour plane ride and his computer died in like 20 min. lolololol. We listened to the crazy music on the plane in german and other languages and Spencer says that "With my luck mine will stop working..." nope... mine did. A movie was supposed to come on and took for forever and a day and so we messed around, I handed out some snacks I had brought with me and we munched some. The windows all closed and the plane got kinda dark real fast. We kept messing around, teasing eachother and then I got tired and tried to write some, that didn't work so I wrapped up in the complimentary blanket and put my head phones on to sleep as the movie "Fun with Dick and Jane" began. When I woke up the movie was ending and finally the funny part rolled around, we had been getting water the whole time whenever the little steward peoples came around and this time they handed out breakfast and Spencer ordered water and got Germany's famous "mineral water" (carbonated water) his face was hilarious!!!! He got regular water but the experience I'm sure will keep him laughing.... it keeps me laughing. Then the Steward guy went walking down the isles offering wine and I refused but asked for sprite and he shook his head looked serious so I asked "please?" he shook his head I thought he was serious then he laughed and assured me he'd be back with my sprite. and he did eventually.....
So we're sitting there and the lady next to me leans down and laughs so I look and she grabbed my shoe instead of hers and I bent down to move my shoes and she assures me she wasn't trying to take my shoes and there we started talking. I introduced her to Nichol and Spencer and began asking her questions to find out she is German and visiting the states with her husband. I asked her a bunch of questions about Germany and the culture things she's noticed and such. Her name is Tanya and she answered my questions as well as she could. Her answers were pretty helpful. Her English wasn't very clear because they take English in 5th grade and arn't required to continue it past that. We talked a bit more and then she went to sleep. I watched the monitor and noticed the map they were showing showed us we had flown OVER The darkness..... we never saw night time Tuesday night. Straight from TuesDAY to WednesDAY. We landed fairly well.